Give the good guys a chance

There’s this song that says “Good girls ain’t no fun and the bad girls ain’t no good.” I understand what the singer is trying to convey by saying that. I myself have in the past been into the so called ‘bad girl’ years back. You know the ones who will eat you alive from the inside out. Cause you pain and misery 29 days of the month but wipe the slate clean in a day by just acknowledging your unwanted presence. The axe chops both ways for both male and female. They claim you shouldn’t take things so seriously or that they are free spirits that can not and should not be tethered to one person or societal norms. To cut a long story short, I’m talking about the selfish, self centered relationships we all thought we were in only to realise we were not even on the waters let alone the same boat. Which begs the question, why are we into the bad girls or as for the ladies the bad boys.

Say what you will about these people but they exude confidence. Faint heart never won fair lady. These people have confidence on steroids for days! They will say anything to the member of the opposite sex with such finality and hubris that you believe each and every half truth that comes out of their mouths. You latch on to their recognition of you with such exuberant expectation that you go out of your way to let them walk over you again and again. A good guy will always lurk in the shadows while the bad boy gets the ladies. But to be honest, how does one expect to get to the finish line first if you don’t even show up to the track let alone participate. I’ve been asked before by some girls I knew way back then why I never asked them out. I say they were into some below standard guy. This implies they did want me to step up to the plate. Take a chance. Granted 9 times outta 10 they would probably say no or play it off as you being silly but who knows? That one shot is better than asking yourself “what if…”

Some girls want bad boys for the sole reason of self gratification when they make the guy change just for them. Such weird projects some of these people have. Granted it is possible to change, but are you willing to take in those days when the bad boy/girl routine pops up? When they fall off the wagon and you have to pick up the pieces and ask yourself what made them do whatever they did yet you gave them all. Some people do love the drama mangled up with the pain though. I can not speak for them.

So at some point I realised being nice wasn’t getting me anywhere beyond the friend zone and the occasional glass shattering comment all guys dread. “You’re such a nice guy.” I am not by any means encouraging the bad boy philosophy. What I did was stop going out of my way to be good to people who did not appreciate it. I took more risks in my social life. Said what I thought without apology or justification. I do not mean being rude because my upbringing does not allow that. Growing to know that my opinions matter. That I should not have to muzzle my thoughts and expressions to suit the girl I like. Trying to morph into the person I thought a certain girl liked other than being myself was getting me nothing more short of the friend zone. So why not just be yourself anyway? Is it not easier? If you constantly have to make excuses for being yourself in a bid for attention, GTFO.

Then came the dilemma of meeting people who are not up to par. One of my close female friends always said I should just carry a plaque across my chest that says ‘bad boy’. I don’t think she knows me that well come to think of it. But if there’s such a thing as a bad boy with standards and self respect, well then that’s what i should have on the plaque. Apparently I give off that bad boy vibe. I don’t mind that at all since it does make it easier to be close to people you want to. Only thing is, it does not sieve the type. So I have as well had the consequential problem of attracting all sort of lunatics as well. Having a knife drawn out at you during a break up has a way of making you reconsider the kind of people you allow into your life and personal space.

After bolting out the door like Usain, I realised that I need some good in my life. Stability and peace of mind is a good thing. After that I met a good girl who turned out to be quite nice. Good natured, well mannered, not judgemental of my inadequacies, who sleeps a lot and is a neat freak.

One would think that being with a good person is uneventful but that’s far from the truth. It’s all a state of mind. If you want adventure, why not venture off with a person who will have your back 100% without being distracted by every shiny thing you encounter on the way? I appreciate loyalty and reliability that will have you sleep like a baby each night. But if you want to go crazy sifting through texts, listening to Celine Dion’s ‘my heart will go on’ to lull you to sleep then waking up to Beyonce’s ‘Lemonade’, keep choosing the bad boy.

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