Today is May 3rd, which, other than apparently being National Teacher Day (an obvious ruse by the teacher industry to sell more teachers), is of no particular importance. What is important, however, are the following two days: May the Fourth, which is Star Wars Day, as well as Cinco de Mayo, a date marking Mexico’s independence from France. Obvisously, these are two extremely important holidays in the United States. You may not think that these two holidays share anything in common, but they, in fact, do. The point of this post is a public service announcement in regards to the puns that accompany these two dates, and how you can either look like a hero or a complete clown.
Let’s start with the fourth. May 4th, or May the fourth, is a fantastic day to represent Star Wars because it sounds incredibly similar to “may the Force…”, as in “may the Force be with you”; a memorable line oft spoken throughout the Star Wars franchise. This is, unequivically, a solid and good pun. If you don’t like Star Wars you are objectively a “bad” and “stupid” person and I want nothing to do with you, but any English speaking person with a brain can recognize the wit that comes with making Star Wars Day on May the fourth. In fact, one could argue that Star Wars Day is better for this pun.
This brings us to the fifth. May 5th, or Cinco de Mayo for our Spanish speaking friends, is, as mentioned earlier, an American made Mexican holiday celebrating Mexico’s victory over the French Army. It’s a great reason to celebrate! While not really a major holiday in Mexico and sort of a made up holiday in the US, I’m all about celebrating our cultural differences. Like St. Patricks Day with copious amounts of beer and whiskey, Cinco de Mayo is celebrated with copious amounts of beer and tequila. While I think the two holidays are vastly overblown and culturally appropriated in the US, I also won’t say no to an excuse to drink tequila with friends. If you like tequila (as you should) and/or have Mexican heritage, well then feliz Cinco de Mayo, amigo!
But here is where I must make a stand and be a voice of reason in regards to puns. I understand the consumption of alcohol that goes hand-in-hand with Cinco de Mayo, and the tendency to want to make a pun about said drinking. But for God’s sake, make it good.
Yelling “Cinco de Drinko!” absolutely ruins the name of the holiday and anyone who says it fucking sucks. Cinco de Drinko sounds nothing like the name Cinco de Mayo. Does “may the Force” sound like “May the fourth”? Holy shit! It does!
“But Lex” you might say, confused and on the verge of tears, “what else can convey our desire to make a joke about the drinking as well as merrymaking of this holiday, while also showing a basic knowledge of the English language and not sounding like a complete fuck-ass?”
Good question, and I’m glad you asked instead of looking like an imbecile. You could certainly call it, gee, I don’t know, “Drinko de Mayo”! Not only does it still sound like the damn holiday you’re trying to mention and culturally rape, but it also makes great use of a pun! You’re literally moving the word that rhymes with “cinco” from the end, where it absolutely does not belong, to the beginning, where it feels all warm and cozy.
Please, for the love of God, stop saying Cinco de Drinko. You’re embarrassing us in front of our southern friends and you also sound like an idiot.
If you don’t care about either of these holidays or their respective puns, please don’t procreate, in either theory or in practice, because you have nothing of value to pass on to anyone, especially children. For anyone else who is “cool”, please enjoy the next two days and their great celebrations!
De nada,
Lex
