Rock Bottom

Dear Rock Bottom,

I didn’t realize just how far I had to fall and it took me 2 years to realize how hard I hit the bottom. When I finally woke up, I felt how much I was hurting. But I couldn’t blame you, instead I made excuses for what you were. So instead, I shut my eyes tight , wrapped my arms around my knees and brought them into my chest and dropped my head down. It was my fault, I told myself. I’m the one who stepped down into the hole. Something about the darkness drew me into the fall. I began to tell myself how I belonged there, trapped with you. After sometime, I’m not sure when, I either became numb to the pain and yet craved it. Yes, I needed the pain of you, the darkness. It was the only feeling I had left. I forgot about the light, I forgot to lift my head. And maybe it wasn’t your fault after all, it was just what you were that made me what I was. But I woke up again, and this time I stood on my own two feet and looked up. I saw the light and crawled up out of your darkness and I didn’t even say goodbye. Wish you could see me now, because the light I was needing was inside me all along. Sometimes when I think about returning to the darkness, I look at the scar from my fall to rock bottom and I know better to take that step again.