LET IT REVEAL ITSELF TO YOU
We have been trying to form a human nature, not allowing it to reveal itself to us.
So we ended up as a bad painting of ourselves.
Have you ever asked yourself, what is the best possible version of you? I'm sure you have, maybe not with this specific words, but you must have been wondering, ‘what can I do BEST’, or ‘how good can I be in something’…
I have been wondering this since the first time I did something really well and that it made me feel proud of myself, the idea of what’d it be the best possible version was planted.
Probably it happened when I acted the main role, in a school theater. I played a boy. And I’ll never ever forget this feeling of infinity, no boundaries of my existence while doing something that felt so right, diving into a new possibility of my own existence, acting. Now I can describe it with this words, back then it only felt — really nice and ‘the world is mine’ kind of thing.
I was 7. And since then, I started to climb and slowly got really good in that, I imagined the moment when I win a world cup, when I climb one of these high grades that I read in magazines… and so on, the dominos were tipped over, dreams were changing, imagination was working.
At least 10 times over the course of life a big change in my personality occurred. The most remarkable and obvious are happening in the last 2 years and I am guessing it’s because of the age and awareness that I have. Before they were sort of happening behind my back, I would realize I've changed because I would found myself in a different environment, different people, having different habits. Now, since my awareness has grown, I started to navigate my own changes which brought a certain level of frustration due to a high level of responsibility. And lack of guidance.
So that brings me here — what if, the guidance I am lacking, is actually the ability to let go? To let things unfold?
What does it mean, to let go, should I stop doing anything? The truth is, looking back when changes were happening I was actually actively participating in changes, just that not being aware that this is what I've been doing. So an increased awareness, brought me to stop helping changes to unroll. Better explained if we imagine this moment when we are home alone eating something in a careless way, reading an article or whatever and suddenly realize someone is behind us— so we stop. Because we do such things only when alone. Private time.
Well, something similar happens now, when my awareness is controlling my actions. I am much more cautious with them- which is kind of practical, not allowing me to jump into every spontaneous act, but it is also holding my changes back, right?
So whats the catch? What now?
Now its time to find a balance in this new ride. See it this way, I got a new car and it has another wheel and maybe an extra tire. How do I use this thing?
I noticed there is a fuel to drive it, it is a mixture of few words, first one being
Meditation. Increased awareness can only be such with a mindful approach to be aware of this awareness. Tricky?
At a certain age, we all gain an extra awareness, but that doesn’t mean, we are aware we got it.
We simply get to be more aware of this observer, without being cooperative with it.
Patience and mindful approach, allow us to comprehend a bigger picture.
Quick judgments and reactions on inputs will settle for an old approach and this will results as you gathering a new wheel and an extra tire, but decide to stay outside this vehicle, not knowing what to do with it.
More pieces of a picture, inevitably show us more reasons to be wrong, us or someone else. And probably us many times. No escape over here. We get to be aware of parts of us that keep denying us to be ourselves. Those are adopted mind patterns from family or society.
Now, returning to the origin of the post - comparing ourselves to a bad picture that we painted, trying to form this wild nature that created us.
Think of sex. Sexual energy is out of control, it is powerful, really powerful. It takes over us and if we are lucky enough to let go, we might loose our sense of identity, surprise ourselves and so on. In the eyes of society it is basically — dangerous.
Losing our sense of identity, confusions coming along and so on… we fear them, we fear craziness. We fear, not being able to return to so-called — sober minds. But the truth is, locked in this fear, we are rotting, like a fruit, decaying… energy needs space, needs to flow in order to renovate, to regenerate.
So, of course, there is a way to find a balance, despite my experiences teaching me such a way is always changing. In order to find a balance, I have to be flexible enough to keep letting go of the old balance, it’s basically a jump into unknown, regular jump into a possibility of crazy, but the fact is, crazy — is part of us. We all carry a potential to be crazy, its just another side of the coin of our consciousness. Functional vs dysfunctional.
More than we allow ourselves to go astray from the path that society has delved for us, what happens?
We get to discover new possibilities of our identity, which naturally results as loosing the old one. Comparing. Finding meaning in this loss.
Finally, settling down for not knowing it all and if settling down for long enough, we find peace in that.
Slowing down in
Mindfulness, is an ancient tool, a guide, for the consciousness, going through life, astray of the mainstream society.
The deep concentration that we get access to, via mindfulness, is a tool to enter the consciousness beyond our thoughts, which are in their core wild animals with little control of when to appear and what to express.
ENJOY THE RIDE.