1. Being asleep during WW2 week in AP World because he was up too late kissing a picture of Nancy Reagan.
2. Deciding to put his hair like that because now it would be a whole statement if he were to change it, and people keep saying that it makes him look like a baby.
3. Not getting his tear ducts removed before he started this job so that he doesn’t have to pinch his butthole so hard to keep from crying.
4. Only skimming that email with the subject line “Hey! Quick Q” from Steve Bannon and just replying, “Yeah sure! Whatever you guys need!”
5. Not changing his name from Spicer to something less sensual; ‘Spicy’ is strictly for sexual play and he gets a halfy whenever he hears it.
6. Taking that blood pact.
7. Cutting Melissa McCarthy in line for the Panera restroom last year.
8. Saying on his resume that he was on the debate team when he was in fact, not on the debate team.
9. Not joining the debate team
10. Not googling the words “press” and “secretary” before his first day.
11. Signing a piece of paper that said “I will never ever under any circumstances say the word ‘sorry’ or ‘concentration camp.’”
12. That second blood pact.
13. Writing that fan-fiction about United Airlines that will definitely be unearthed one day.
14. Wishing on a falling star to be famous.
15. Thinking that being on TV isn’t a huge deal.
16. Buying the Galaxy Note 7.