One can see me as an evil essayist with the mien of an endless faucet of philosophical rubbish turned on maximum with the handle broken off the hinge

Jul 11, 2016

Literally’s Indestructible Replacement

Here is an SVG for anyone wanting to print a flag

Give it a drumroll…

The true problem with literally

I do not despise the use of literally in casual conversations nor do I approve of it. Not so long ago, literally has become an omni-compatible point intensifier that— for people outside the conversation — sound and are considered informal and occasionally rude like all of its kind do: “bloody”, “fucking”, etc.

No. My problem with this pointless, perpetual issue is the sacred definition in which literally once held. The word itself can die for all I care. When I want to describe something that truly happened, truly does not cut it. Sure! I may still use literally and state a formal nature, but that lacks power.

Why is it indestructible?

Imagine two coins with their fronts facing up: A and B.

Coin A’s front is “*figuratively” and coin B is “literally” if you don’t get the analogy*

Now, for some reason we make the whole coin B represent coin A’s backside.

Fiat is a fitting term, Latin (which give it more credibility) for “let it be”. Fiat currency is an acceptable example, paper notes we claim has a certain value (despite it not having any worth in itself or anything it represents) and runs the collapsing Western economy today.[1] Such money can easily be devalued merely from the collective view. e.g. Imagine if an eminent country exits from a continental union. Their currency will drop like a burning British biplane. But, don’t be silly. No sane country will do that!

Sure, we may treat coin B for its “true” self-identity for a century or so, but there will come a time when a bunch of whippersnappers start using it for the opposite of what was intended, another maple leaf! Well, what do we do now: make a new coin, correct anyone practicing such heresy, kill all the teenagers?
Oh! what will we do to symbolize the back of coin A?

What about the backside of coin A?

Thesaurus.com is verbatim a poet’s only friend

We can coin a new word for the “formal” meaning of literally, or even find a suitable synonym at thesaurus.com. Any solution will work not but the usage of our reliable antonym making prefix, “un”. It is a NOT gate for words. Even if unfiguratively is bludgeoned into the state literally is currently suffering, figuratively will gladly change like an entangled quantum particle.

And, using unfiguratively as an intensifier like literally (in my honest opinion) sounds absurd.

"I heard on the internet,” Donald squealed, “that Barack Obama is unfiguratively Hitler!”

“How did you get in my house!?” replied Bernie.

“Have you ever seen him and Adolf in the same room? Huh!”

“It’s literally three in the morning. Get the hell out!”

Only in the case in which the English language is terrorized into ruins where all the words with “un” lose their life purpose like a depressed seventeen year old would unfiguratively become literally meaningless. That will most likely never happen leaving unfiguratively indestructible — or so help us, God.

References:

[1] Koenig, Peter. “The Collapse of the Western Fiat Monetary System may have Begun. China, Russia and the Reemergence of Gold-Backed Currencies” GlobalResearch.ca GlobalResearch.ca, 21 Apr. 2016. Web. 11 Jul. 2016