In college my friend Alina and I went to a Jamba Juice, this guy named Will was working and we started chatting with him. We asked when he got off and Alina invited him over after his shift. Will showed up with pizza a few hours later. He was a really cool guy, an incredible musician. We hung out with him a lot for a while then he moved to California to pursue music. I hope he’s doing well. Making friends used to be really easy. Maybe it still is and I’m just not willing to try. When I was a kid a boy named Cameron moved into the neighborhood, I walked over to his house knocked on the door and asked if he wanted to play. We played everyday until he moved, I hope he is doing well too.
I think two things have changed when it comes to making friends. I’ve convinced myself that I don’t have time for new friendships(which is a pretty silly excuse if you ask me), and I’m scared of new friends. I’m terrible at opening up to people, nothing ever seems to go past surface level. That’s why I used to love first dates. I haven’t been in many relationships, but I am a serial first dater. First dates are great, it’s exciting, you talk for hours. They share their whole life story with you and on the first data no one’s realizes that all I am doing is listening to them talk. I never get to the second though, by the time the second date comes around they’ve usually caught on and expect me to tell them my life story. Which historically wasn’t going to happen. I know a lot of very personal things, about a lot of people whose names I can barely remember. I’m not sure what that says about me.
I have no idea how friends are even made these days. I’d like some new friends, everyone has an amazing story. I love listening to people tell their story, it always so interesting. I just don’t know how to get past the first “date”, or hangout I suppose. There is a power in being vulnerable. I power that I lack. I’ve convinced myself that it’s not fear based, it’s just that no one wants to listen. That I’m the only person in the whole world who is fascinated by other people’s stories. But really that’s just because I’m scared. That’s why I started this thing, not just to catalog my random thoughts, and improve my writing. But also in an effort to reach out for something. To help someone. To shed some light on anything. To share that in this thing called life we are all just a little crazy, and we are all struggling to figure shit out. We might as well be friends and help each other out sometimes.
Originally posted on: www.leahholyoak.com