The Weight of Euthanizing a Pet

My cat Butters has idiopathic chylothorax. Chylothorax is the leakage and accumulation of lymphatic node fluid in the pleural cavity, this fluid presses up against his lungs and makes it hard for him to breathe. He’s always had slightly more pronounced breathing, but a couple of days ago I found him in a corner with his mouth slightly open and showing signs of respiratory distress. I stayed up all night with him monitoring his progress waiting until 7:30AM when the clinic doors opened.

At the clinic after hours of waiting, and $780 later he had the fluid removed, Rutin prescribed, and a referral for a specialist. I knew the prognosis was not going to be good after all the literature I read, and the few medical publications which showed “high” success rates and positive outcomes, but for a trial size of 4–8 animals, including dogs. But the overseeing vet seemed positive, assuring me that if we found out what the cause was the possibility of a long life was likely.

The specialist on the other hand after seeing Butters and looking at his medical history came in with a quiet and understanding tone, telling me that it would be a hard decision to make but he would understand if I did not want to continue. I had come in being realistic and wanting to at least know if there was an underlying cause, so I asked for an ultrasound. We ruled out the four known causes in less than an hour. His heart looked healthy, he didn’t have a mass in that region, he did not have worms or a fungal infection, and I knew the likelihood of trauma was low. I was also told that he already saw approximately 200ML of fluid build-up. One and a half days ago he had about 350ML removed.

I took Butters home $440 poorer and my chest pounding in my heart knowing that it would not be long and that I had to act quickly. I know that even if I could afford to drain the fluid out up to 3 times a week (that’s $360/week) his quality of life would be diminished greatly, especially not being able to narrow down the underlying cause. With surgery to close the leak the vet said it’s a 50/50 chance that he may die during the procedure, and if he survives of a pressure build up is likely without knowing the underlying cause. I don’t know if he was saying this to make me feel better, or if the lack of experience and expertise in these kinds of surgeries at his clinic make the odds much lower.

I foster kittens quite often, and both Butters and his brother are adopted from a shelter. With the number of cats that do not have a home and the means for proper care, there’s part of me that could not even justify more than 1k of medical care for a pet. I know others don’t feel the same way. The saddest part is that Butters is so young, and his brother will miss him so much. Both times Butters was at the vet Whiskey was vocalizing and searching for his brother. Butters just woke up from his nap right now. He did his little cat stretch, walked over to Whiskey, who leaned back to look up while Butters nuzzled him and licked him. They have this ritual of cuddling and grooming each other.

I called in for an appointment to have him euthanized tomorrow morning. Hopefully he won’t have another episode before the morning. I plan to let his brother see the body so he’ll understand that Butters is gone. I’m hoping that this will cause Whiskey less distress than just having Butters go missing. I’m ending this post with a few pictures from the happier moments.

I feel like I’m giving up on him. But with our advances in medicine, it’s easy to feel like that everything can be fixed with money. I keep on trying to remind myself that at least he’s had a few good years. I have fed, played, and loved him. The best I can do is have made his time on this earth enjoyable. There’s another part of me that wants to change careers to become a vet. It’s also midterm season at the moment, but the stress, the headache, the crying, and the feeling of helplessness, and guilt really makes it hard to study.