Your comparison of Rachel Dolezal to Caitlyn Jenner is stale and poorly reasoned. Race and gender identity are not analogous social concepts. They don’t form functional logical analogies.

And yes, you are boiling womanhood down to the socially acceptable female form. Second wave feminists, and gender deconstructivists in general, entirely deny the mental experience of one’s gender in favor of a definition grounded in physical forms that are inherently exclusionary, and which are impossible to define without denoting even cisgender women who don’t fit the patriarchal definition of female physicality as “not female”. Your philosophical feminism denies psycho-social feminine experience. It affirms the idea of a pure physical feminine state of being that is comparable in its invalidity to the highly patriarchal concept of virginhood.

Third wave feminism is pulling your internalized patriarchal philosophy out from under you, and it affirms the female existence however it chooses to be, so long as it does so unencumbered by external social pressures, including those exerted by gender deconstructivists. You are no more able to define what a woman is than a thousand generations of domineering male social structures are, because no matter the amount of time you dedicate to the attempt, you will never be able to grasp the experiences of every single woman on this planet. There are more than 3.5 billion of us, and we come from more than 3.5 billion unique social, cultural, economic, medical, environmental, and ethnographic backgrounds. A woman’s experience of her own womanhood is her’s alone to define, and she may define only her own.