Wow…I’d really like you to expand on that statement. It feels true, but I am not clear on how this might play out in the mind of someone who lies. Is it because the person lying already doesn’t trust the person they are lying to? Does lying somehow nurture distrust?
I think the corollary of owning your effect on the world is to act and communicate in a way that allows others the opportunity to own theirs too.
I dated a man who turned out to believe that lying was a valid option. I tried so hard to explain to him why lying to someone is wrong…that when he lied and withheld his truths, needs, and actions from me, he stole my sovereignty and took away my power within the relationship, thus robbing me of the ability to make a rational, healthy decision for myself. If he’d been honest with me, I would have made some very different choices and he and I might have been able to transition from lovers into friends, which is what he claimed he’d wanted but was unable to ask for when he’d lied. I’ve also come to realize how my own desires and actions enabled his dishonesty.
Emotional pain occurs when we know that something is very wrong. I don’t care how much the truth may hurt, it’s necessary because it’s reality, and coherence with reality brings emotions into balance. Addressing the wrong can be painful, but ultimately it heals and can nurture more authentic connections.
