Hello sadness, my old friend
Sadness has this thing for knocking at your door without warning. « Hey buddy, it’s been a while ! May I stay at your place for a little while ? It will just be a couple of days, I promise. » And before your know it, you are stuck with this friend invading your personal space. But you know, he is the one who presented itself right on time when you were feeling a bit lonely, and it is kind of comfortable to have him around when no one else is.
Meaning, you finally get to like being sad. So much that you make plans for it.
Don’t you have places you know that are a perfect match for a « sad moment » — it can be a bench at the park, a remote village by the sea, the place where you grew up — and you literally picture yourself being nostalgic here in a near future ? « I should drive there next week, and have a moment alone while I watch the waves… »
Nostalgy in its definition is a reminiscence from the past. Something you miss, despite the fact that your brain probably makes it a lot better that it was. Or maybe it is just experience that makes you reconsider a moment you were not able to enjoy at the time. Same thing really, as it is just perspective.
We, failing at life in the present, are eager to emphasis bygone but better times. But were they really ?
Another weird but interesting link between sadness and time, is our capacity to be also nostalgic of days that did not and will never occur.
As a single man in his late thirties, having already nephews and nieces, I must now face the fact that my children — if I happen to have any — won’t grow up with their cousins.
Perhaps it seems ridiculous, but it also means that they won’t know their grand parents for a very long time, and that my relationship with my brothers won’t be as close as it would have been if we had experimented paternity at the same time they have.
As you may have noticed, for me being single at this stage of my life has been a burden. But really, the sadness was in thinking that I am accountable for it. That I had to justify to society, to my friends, to my family, that I am still « alone ».
I still want to meet my future wife anytime soon, but I learned to enjoy the road. When you finally understand that people close to you just want you to be fine, and that what you took for judgmental was their fear that you are not, then all you have to do is to be happy. For you and for them.
And if some people still give you a hard time about your way of life, just be aware that they are the sad people.