Unbecoming to Become (how to move through transitions)

Jamie Gilbert
Nov 5 · 3 min read

Ah, transitions. It’s safe to say that growth is an uncomfortable process and our pain is a necessary investment for that growth. I’m speaking about the transition in life after trauma. My growth as a person started after the loss of my pregnancy with my son, my grandparents, and my brother in law — all within a year. For me, my trauma was unbecoming who I was — a loss of identity. I knew early on in my journey that I wasn’t able to go back to who I was and shifted my focus on discovering who I am.

For most of us, change happens when an extremely emotional event has occurred. Trauma can be one of our biggest catalysts for movement whether it’s unconscious or conscious. We must remember that awareness is the key to consciousness. Our brain is a beautiful and complicated creature that becomes so involved in every step of our transition. We have to understand what happens to our brain when we are in emotional pain. When we step into this reality of fight, flight, or freeze mode we are activating our amygdala which is one of the most ancient parts of our brain (also known as the reptilian brain.) This is our survival mode and it happens unconsciously. While we are in shock, our brain is working hard to process this fear that has been created. It’s this foundation of fear that affects how we continue to journey with this pain.

Then the hypothalamus kicks in which is our command center. It will carry out the commands of one of those three (or all) modes. These neural pathways are created — a blueprint in our brain that tells us how we respond to stress or sadness that revolves around the trauma. For me, it was seeing women who were pregnant or listening to my friends talking about trying for a baby. My face would get hot, my heart would beat fast, and everything hurt. Becoming conscious of that control center I was able to take the wheel in terms of my reactions. Sometimes I stepped away from the conversation or created space to share how my heart was doing. Most of the time, I would turn around and cry but that’s okay. I met myself where I was at in those moments and I continue to do so. What we have to realize is that we will feel this pain — but we can choose how to move through life with it.

To be mindful of the Mind, Body, and Spirit connection when trauma happens is the first step of taking the wheel of this transition in life. The pain and fear are inevitable but being aware and embracing them can lead to an outcome where you have become a partner with your brain. Switching from unconscious to conscious healing.

Meet yourself where you’re at everyday
It’s okay to not be okay. Somedays we struggle to walk through life but those days allow us the opportunity to practice our self care a little extra. What does your self care practice look like to you? Mine is yoga, chocolate, and The Office.

Find ways to express your emotions
This can be in the form of journaling, support group, or someone (or someones) who have become your safe space. Take that time for yourself.

Activate the Parasympathetic wing of your Nervous System
This will help induce positive emotions while also strengthen the body’s defenses whether it’s emotionally or physically. Deep breathing is the key to this. Taking 3–5 minutes a day to focus on your breath will elevate your mood and strengthen your inner armor.

You are not alone.

Jamie Gilbert

Life coach focused on the Mind, Body, and Spirit connection. A little dorky but very lovable.

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