This morning, I woke up and realised the trash had been taken out. And there was this sudden jolt of panic because I had thrown something maybe important the day earlier. Honestly, it’s rubbish. I should have thrown it away months ago. It was an empty box of prescription lozenges H had bought for me when I got back from Korea and had an awful sore throat. Like, I had such a bad sore throat, was feeling under the weather and wanted to beg it off but he wanted me to meet his friends. It was only our second date, I think. I wasn’t sure about it at all and was in a bit of bad mood. But I thought when he gave me that box, it was so awfully nice of him to give medicine. Like, it’s really such a simple thing but it’s one of the things I think encapsulated so much of the brief time that we dated for. That he cared a lot about me. And genuinely I still feel a lot of guilt about how…awful I personally was at dating. I was just so bad at it, I couldn’t bring myself to be very sappy or emotional or show that I needed anything he did. But I guess what I wanted to get at here is that I threw that empty box away because well, I mean, how long was I going to keep it for? Was it going to always remind me of how good he was for me and how shit I just was? It’s a nice memory and definitely one of the best qualities I liked him for. But that’s all it is now and I can’t keep material things just to lowkey guilt myself everyday when I open that drawer. It’s been there since he gave it in Jan and it’s October now. The only person who’ll ever know of that box is going to be me. And the thought of that is comforting, like a memory only I will ever be able to remember.