we know this to be true
“I can’t really stand the thought of it.”
“I can’t really stand the thought of my whole life stretching ahead of me and it’s so late, I’m not doing what I like anymore. I’m not doing what I want, I don’t have the heart for this. I can’t stand the thought of doing this day in and day out and I’m so old already. I’d rather just end it now.”
“I’d really just…I rather end this now.”
“I know he’s not here, he’s somewhere far far away and I know he’s supposed to be off soul-searching. But if he thought he was going to find himself on some fjord or mountain or what the fuck ever, he’s wrong. He was a shit person here and he’s a shit person there.”
“I really miss him. He hurts me and I miss him.”
“If you really cared, you would have bothered to text me before I left. So now that I’m leaving, you want to — what, you want to meet up? Fuck you.”
“It’s been three years and I still have your messages in my phone.”
“I thought I’d hate Christmas for a long time after but I don’t. I just get sad about it.”
“You’re too harsh and judgmental. I don’t understand, like listen, she’s not your friend, I understand that. But you don’t have to be this way about her.”
“Unnecessarily cruel, I don’t understand why we did that to her, you know? I don’t understand why we did that.”
“I’m never going to find it. I know all these religious people and they all seem to have so much faith and so much certainty and I don’t understand it. What do you feel? I’ve never felt it. I can say all the words but there’s no faith behind them.”
“Please don’t say God willing anymore. I’m tired of hearing it. I’m tired of hearing it, is it not meant for me? Is God never going to give it to me?”
“I’m terrified of feeling happy sometimes. It makes it so much more apparent when you lose it afterwards.”
“I like you very much, I just think we’re better off not seeing each other again. I don’t want to see you again.”
“I’m never going to set you up with my friends. Forget about it, you can ask me but I’m never going to say yes. It’s not because I like you (maybe I like you) but you’d ruin them. You’ve ruined me, I can’t let you do it to them.”
“I know everyone’s been so scared that he’ll hurt me but it seems, it didn’t cross their mind but I think I’m hurting him more than he’ll ever hurt me.”
And we know this to be true. We know you, we whisper. We know you. We know what you think in the minutes past midnight and we know what you think in the bright light of the afternoon. We have been with you since the start of time and we will stay with you till the end of your time. Forget about leaving your sins, forget about leaving your good deeds, we know you, we have wept and laughed with you.
The measure of a person is not in what he does or thinks or says but what he believes in. Do you have any faith at all? Do you believe in something?
We know the crevices between your fingers, the space between your ribs, the stretch marks on your thighs, the pockmarks on your face. We know what is in your heart, and we know it is full and empty.
We know you and we know this refrain means something.
Is it not a comfort to you, is it not a reminder that you are not as alone as you think you are. We are yours and we will not leave you.