Who Are We Without Others?
Can you define yourself as an individual?
I, as most of us do, define ourselves by roles.
I’m a wife, a mother, a daughter, a sister, a friend, a teacher. All of these roles rely on having a reciprocal. We often decide our worth by how we feel we measure up to others in these roles…or how we perceive ourselves measuring up to what we believe others expect of us.
As Joshua Becker says:
When you compare yourself to others you have nothing to gain, but much to lose such as your pride, your dignity, your drive, and your passion.
So, what if we remove these roles, these comparisons? Who are we then?
I’ve recently spent time pondering this. I am doleful and critical of myself when I feel I don’t measure up. “I’m not a good enough wife, mother, friend…”. Not good enough is ingrained in my brain. Even as a child, I felt this way when I was the target at school for taunting and derision. My thoughts: if I were cool enough or pretty enough, I wouldn’t be their target.
Now, in my 40’s, I still have that not-good-enough affliction.
So, I decided recently to spend quality introspective time, and was pleased. I realized that I feel emotions deeply, have the urge to create, crave a simple and organized environment, see beauty in nature, and enjoy writing. When I’m not constantly trying to measure up to standards I can’t meet, I’m happier and more confident. I realize I am not only good enough, but I am worthy of loving myself. I would never say there’s not room for improvement, but I am content with where I am and where I am going. My goals are my goals…not what I feel others’ expectations are for me.
Once I accept who I am, I am already a better person because I am happier; therefore, I am already better in my roles in life. My pride, dignity, drive, and passion remain intact. I can do and be for others without detriment to myself because I have the confidence and comfort in knowing I am not only good enough, but am strong and resilient. I know my heart.
I urge you to do the same.
Be confident in who you are, and see your worth.