Is there such a thing as Toxic Femininity?

The Yin and Yang principle says there are always opposites: Day and Night, Hot and Cold, Old and Young, Feminine and Masculine. Those attributes are interdependent and present in all things, also in humans.

This means: Every man has feminine and masculine attributes, and every woman has masculine and feminine attributes. Let’s mention some of these feminine and masculine attributes according to yin and yang:

Feminine:

• receptive
• intuitive
• compassionate
• empathetic
• supportive

Masculine:

• disciplined
• logical
• protective
• active
• assertive

These are characteristics assigned to the feminine and masculine.

Important: They are NOT assigned to our born-with gender. Just because you are a woman, does not mean you have the feminine attributes emphasised; you can be a woman and have the masculine attributes pre-eminent in your personality (and vice versa). Our world, as of right now, has more masculine characteristics present than feminine. Which is a great thing; they are very much needed. The masculine gets things going, is determined, focused and ambitious.

Nevertheless, the masculine neglecting the feminine becomes aggressive, controlling, harsh and selfish. The feminine in this world is caring, compassionate, and healing. It is our attention turned inwards while meditating, reading (just for the pleasure of reading, without any accomplishments there); it is nurturing and supportive. I am writing about the feminine in more detail here.

Our society has a big problem; Linda Caroll beautifully wrote this paragraph: “Ask one of 500 boys what they want to be when they grow up. Not one will say they want to go to prison for killing a woman because she said no”. Males are not meant to be abusive. It is our society overemphasising all masculine strengths, yet not implementing the feminine drive forces (enough!).

Now, let’s talk about toxic masculinity:

Masculinity is not toxic. A lack of it is. Real Men are protective and caring. Weak men are violent and abusive.

I feel this quote resonating deeply within me. A masculine man knows where he stands; he is determined, protective and strong. Let’s face it: Men are usually physically superior to women. There is no need for a man to “prove a point”, unless he is a coward. And why is he a coward? Because he is a profoundly insecure, hurt and wounded soul. He is not strong, and he knows that. It is the hurt man trying to regain control over his power by dominating those physically inferior.

Given that, A masculine man will not hurt a woman. A masculine man knows that he is strong. And he can show this strength while shining in career, family and/or being determined on his activities. Toxic masculinity is not a result of being too manly, it’s a result of lacking this masculine drive force.

“Toxic masculinity” does not exist. A Toxic Man does.

But how is it with femininity? What is toxic femininity? In this article, I have tried to gain some understanding of what toxic feminity might be but have been left rather clueless, since no explanation of what “feminine” even is, according to the author, had been given. I have found some examples of women screaming because they want an animal out of the house (??), women blaming their period for bad moods, physically abusive women and women coercing men into sex.

As mentioned, there is no definition of “femininity” defined. So it makes me wonder; Is every activity a woman does suddenly “feminine”?

Abusive, violent, aggressive women are NOT feminine. Not everything a woman does is “feminine”. This abusive, aggressive and violent behaviour is a yang expression (the masculine principle) when out of balance. It is not feminine since the feminine is passive and receiving.

Now I have mentioned the Yang-Expression, the masculine out of balance. And, does it then not express “toxic masculinity”?

“Toxic”, according to Merriam Webster, is

containing or being poisonous material, especially when capable of causing death or severe debilitation

But masculinity itself is not toxic. Neither is femininity. And neither is there a “too much of”, since sometimes the dosage makes the poison. Instead, it is this insecurity of the feminine/masculine qualities or neglecting of their counterparts.

One without the other cannot exist. There is no man without a woman, and no woman without a man. Both are interdependent and protecting of one another. Once we realise that, we realise there is not the toxicity, not “too much” of one quality, but a lack in the expression of the other.

It is time to restore the harmony between the individual and within society. Then, maybe, all this gender terror will come to an end.