I Choose Joy.

Day 4 of the “Heart & Soul 10-Day Meditation Challenge” hosted by Activate Austin: Balance.

Last night during my presentation on empowerment for empaths, the thread of balance and the flow of energy continued to come up. In the guided meditation, reflections on the material, and questions from the audience, its importance for those in attendance was clear. Including me.

I have a long history of being the unseen and unheard glue that holds it all together, working all hours of the night and the day because I choose to and holding myself to standards of performance that border on masochistic. And during my presentation on the challenges for the awakened empath, particularly forming healthy, sustainable relationships with self, others, and time, I knew that I could no longer talk the talk without walking the walk and claim to be in integrity.

I needed to let this truth that I knew in my mind finally sink into my heart to create a new pattern of living *while* loving myself. For so long, I had accepted the belief that self-love, other-love, and all-love were all similar, but different, frequencies. And because other-love came so easily for me, it became my default. I would tell myself, “That is my life — love for others. Service to others.”

But in experiencing the fruits of this belief and the frequent emptiness of my own cup, I know that I can’t continue to tell this story anymore.

So after my presentation was done around 9p, I invited anyone who wished to stay to join me for tea. Normally, people would usher themselves out gradually, and then after locking the door, I would stay for 2–3 more hours meditating, cleaning, and working on creating graphics and content. But I would not choose that. I chose to let my guard down to share Joy with everyone as a friend and as a Brother. I chose to give myself the opportunity to receive Laughter and experience the Love of community. And I chose to fill my cup while filling the cups of others, literally and figuratively.

And as the last drop of tea was savored at around 11p, and everyone began to leave, high on life and love and the beauty of being, I allowed myself to Thank myself for this choice. And I stayed afterwards, not to clean or to work or to go the extra mile, but simply to meditate in the energy that was co-created by all who came, and to savor the frequency of balance and self-love.


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