abstract surreal landscape red dark
abstract surreal landscape red dark
Photo by Jr Korpa on Unsplash

I caught a glimpse of the
secrets of the universe.
Collapsed, unmoving,
I lay on the floor a throbbing,
pulsing pain so excruciating
seizing my whole being.

Chaos ensues as darkness
plagues my thoughts.
A cloud of anguish hovers.
Drizzling droplets sting
when they land upon my skin.

The sizzle of frenetic
anxious nerves
hums beneath the surface.
Shifting between
joy and sorrow
when lightning strikes,
I bend and morph
letting experience shape me.

Like a lonely wanderer of city streets at night, I purposefully take every possible twist and turn to avoid getting lost, but I only further myself…

surreal purple blue painting dreaming
surreal purple blue painting dreaming
Photo by Jr Korpa on Unsplash

I reach upwards into the onyx sky plucking the mushroom clouds off on their merry way, pushing the swimming moon made of bone off its course and into the path of the amethyst light. With diamond eyes and a thirsty heart, I feast upon your energy. I capture and consume opening my mind wide to trap you. Be it delusion or illusion, a false belief versus a mirage, the world deceives while substances elucidate. A creature scampers off in the distance aimless in the twilight of the night. As the psychedelics absorb into my bloodstream, I bathe in a trance…

sad woman crying tear drop
sad woman crying tear drop
Photo by Aliyah Jamous on Unsplash

The quiet room is an isolation room at the mental hospital. The staff uses it to separate one patient from the rest. The purposes are to keep this person safe, to keep others safe, to reduce the amount of stimulation the patient receives, or at the patient’s request.

They usually use this room as an alternative to or in conjunction with medication. It is a safe environment for this troubled individual. The hospital staff uses a quiet room to manage a patient’s disturbing behavior in the short term.

Because of my bipolar schizoaffective disorder diagnosis, I’ve stayed in the inpatient…

abstract surreal painting pink blue blurry
abstract surreal painting pink blue blurry
Photo by Jr Korpa on Unsplash

I’m at a cliff in my mind peering over. Vertigo strikes. Past the trap door, another thought arises shaping into another pathway through my spongy brain matter. Blood vessels rooted throughout nourish my store consciousness. Fluttering wings of butterflies flit and flap to music they compose playing in stereo. It is a distant song, alien to my ears. These thoughts cavort and frolic in a random order as if independent of me. These ideas are not about material possession or sexual desire. I do not crave these. I yearn for equanimity when confronted with attachment and fear. Butterflies dance to…

abstract purple painting white colorful dark
abstract purple painting white colorful dark
Photo by Dan-Cristian Pădureț on Unsplash

I yearn
to become
black prose
typed on
white pages.

I watch
the flashing
the right
with more
and more
letters, words,
and sentences
following it
to the left.

Ink courses
my veins,
my heart
in its
Let it
my arteries
every cell,
every tissue,
every organ
within my body.

Indelible words
shape me,
I create me,
and my neuroses

I know myself. I write myself into these passages. I allow a bit of my soul to seep into these words each time I write them…

surreal landscape
surreal landscape
Photo by Jr Korpa on Unsplash

My thoughts arise, both at will and spontaneously. These buds sprout and flower towards the yellow sun leaving behind seeds in my subconscious. A flurry of ideas flitters throughout my wandering mind, floating amongst mental constructs that bloom and shoot like stars across my psychic landscape. Such intellectual phenomena are filaments in the satin weave of illusion. I glide with sunbeams glowing over undulating hills, rolling in an endless tape reel painting pastoral pictures across the canvas of my closed eyelids. Sparkling novae glitter, firing throughout the sky now dark with night. My awareness heightens in this state between wake…

lonely girl sitting on bench alone black and white photo
lonely girl sitting on bench alone black and white photo
Photo by Pan Yunbo on Unsplash

“Hey, slanty eyes,” the boy says.
“What are you looking at?”

I shrink down in my chair
in the back of the classroom.
I tilt my head forward
so my hair falls over my face
while it burns a deep crimson.
I can feel everyone’s eyes
staring and blinking at me.
They’re ready to jeer.

In the cafeteria,
I take out my brown
paper bag of lunch
and pull out white buns
filled with lotus seed paste.

“What is that?” someone shouts.
My classmates cackle
with laughter mocking
the foreignness of my food.

On the yellow squeaky bus heading towards…

Poetry Wednesday

light dark surreal sunrise
light dark surreal sunrise
Photo by Cristofer Jeschke on Unsplash

In the quiet of the night, the noise inside my mind disturbs. I attempt to wind down, but restlessness seizes me. I’m pacing across the wooden floorboards, evading splinters, dodging the daggers of my thoughts. I blink and a deluge of intrusive images pours into my brain. They urge me to self-harm. Suicidal ideation isn’t too far, they promise. I blink again and I’m in the bathroom holding a razor. I stare at the bottle of prescription pills I’ve placed on the counter. A drop of blood drips from my wrist hinting of a moment only seconds ago, a moment…

Lilac India

Writer. Artist. Buddhist. Homemaker. I also have Schizoaffective Disorder (Bipolar Type) and Chronic PTSD.

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