one slippery slope

my biggest lesson to everyone is that nothing matters. that we’re floating here on this planet and we’re blessed enough to have a millisecond of life. i want everyone to just be happy and to help each other and to live peacefully. that’s a utopian vision, that realistically, will probably never be achieved. but it’s a good goal I think we should be aiming for.

the problem with nothing matters, is that once adopted as a mindset, even the things you love, the aspects of life that make you happy, can seem unimportant. You begin to lose everything that makes up your self. You understand that we’re all just characters, showing people only the parts of us that we want to show. or maybe just the parts we think people would like to see from us.

if you fall too deeply into either one, you begin to lose yourself. you forget what makes you happy. you focus on a few things that you think truly matter. which again, is all relative, but you have to choose some things to focus your time on. unfortunately, once in awhile, i fall into one of these. where nothing matters. where everything is frustrating because we aren’t just spending all our time together helping each other live. where greed, pride, and competition seem the most natural human qualities.

you can drive yourself crazy living this way. if you slip on the slope, you’re sliding down without control, unable to stop yourself. the first time i went down this hole, i became extremely depressed. it’s a scary place. to think about all of the suffering in the world, and believing that you can’t do anything about it. even if you help one person, there’s millions of people who you could’ve helped, but didn’t, or couldn’t. your efforts begin to feel so useless. your thinking can become cyclical, and will marinate you in negativity.

luckily, i was able to stop myself, and climb back up that slope. at first, it felt like i was at the edge of a giant hole, leading to nowhere. i was clinging on the edge, and had to pry myself out. it was scary, and exhausting. it truly took all my mental effort to accomplish. since then i have devised tricks, mantras, and practices to stay climbing up the slope. and to stop myself when i slip.

sometimes i lose myself to the guilt built up inside me due to my extreme privilege. with everything i’ve been given, i need to make a difference. i want to make a big difference as soon as possible. i want to have power behind my words. i want to gain the skills, and respect, that give weight to the words i say. i want to promote thinking in people and ultimately, i want to feel a purpose. i want to promote good, positive energy, but at the end of the day, the best way to do that is to just be yourself.

happiness comes from within. it isn’t outside ourselves. you must first love yourself, to love others. purpose is a feeling and understanding that some things do matter. you matter. we all matter. no matter what. never forget what matters to you, and use those things to help you accomplish and achieve your goals. even tho nothing matters…