Confession: I love it when people touch my feet.
If you want to seduce me, then all you have to do is simply give me a foot massage.
I always told my friends that if I had a penis, I would consider my foot as the head of my cock and my legs were the shaft. Rubbing my legs and then having a hand press hard against my feet always sends chills throughout my entire body.
Since I was a young woman, I was intrigued by the idea of meeting someone with a foot fetish.
In the back of my mind, I kept thinking, I would happily prostitute my feet to a stranger in exchange for a foot rub.
This deal just seemed like a win-win. I never viewed men with foot fetishes as creepy. To me, having a foot fetish was by far the safest of all fetishes. There’s no sexual intercourse. There’s no violence. There’s no nudity.
How could I ever be offended by someone who wants to give me a pedicure?
Finally, my fantasy came true.
After posting a picture of my feet by the pool on Instagram, a guy named Jonah reached out to me. I had connected with Jonah several years ago through Tinder but I had never met him in person.
“You have amazing feet. They are so unique. And your tattoos! I love your tattoos! I would love to give you a foot massage someday.” he exclaimed. Both of my feet had tattoos of flowers. A pink lily was placed on top of my left foot and a rose was placed on top of my right.
Our conversation quickly turned into Jonah talking about his hidden desire to fondle someone’s feet. “I want your feet rubbing all over my face. I want to lick them, massage them, and even take photos of them. I am a photographer by trade and I would love to take professional photos of your feet. I promise I would make the photos appear very artistic. I will make you look like the foot goddess that you are.” I was intrigued. What could be the harm in this? “Okay, Jonah. Let’s meet this weekend. You will be my first friend with foot benefits.”
A few days later, I spoke to my therapist Betsy about my upcoming date with Jonah. I was apprehensive about revealing this news to her but I wanted to tell her how excited I was about venturing into unknown territory. Surprisingly, Betsy wasn’t shocked at all. “I work with all kinds of clients. Sex workers, sex addicts, and even murderers. I’m very open-minded about this idea. In fact, the more that I think about it, the more this may actually be a good outlet for you to slowly begin trusting men again.”
A few months prior, my boyfriend of two years had recently broken up with me. As a result, I tried to kill myself and was sent to a mental hospital. As someone who suffers from Borderline Personality Disorder, I documented this experience in my memoir, Heartbreak in the Time of Coronavirus. While I was gradually getting better, I still had a lot of issues I had to overcome.
Fear of trust and abandonment are significant traits of BDP. These traits were heightened even more so after my breakup. Although I am moving forward from my past, I have found that I am utterly terrified of men. I am terrified of ever being close to someone ever again. I am terrified of being vulnerable. I am terrified of caring too much. I am terrified of ruining something beautiful again.
For the first time in my life, I have no real desire to date anyone and I have no desire to have a one night stand. In the back of my mind, I was planning to be extremely selective with the next man I dated. I was hoping that someday, I would be willing to take a chance on love once more. But I knew that “someday” would not be today. Even though I was going to be friends with foot benefits with Jonah, I was adamantly clear to him that I was not ready for any kind of relationship. The only part of my body that I wanted him to touch were my feet.
Betsy continued, “Have you ever considered the benefits of BDSM? I think you may be a good fit for erotic humiliation. It actually doesn’t involve sex unless you want to have sex with that person. It’s more of a mental relationship that you develop over time with a person. Even though there is a humiliation side to erotic humiliation, there is also a level of trust between both parties. This creates more intimacy. This can actually be healthy for your well being.” I had never viewed BDSM in this way. Curious, I later decided to look more into this concept.
Apparently, researches did find that those who participated in BDSM had found that they had more security in their relationship, they were more open to new experiences, they were more extroverted, they were actually sensitive towards others, and they had decreased anxiety. According to Psychology Today, those that were receiving the stimulation or orders were found to undergo what was known as “transient hypofrontality”, which is associated with reductions in pain, feelings of floating, feelings of peacefulness, feelings of living in the here and now and time distortions. Those who were more dominant entered the altered state known as “flow” which is associated with focused attention, a loss of self-consciousness, and optimal performance of a task.
Now that I better understood the benefits of what I was about to explore, I was beginning to feel more secure about what I was about to do. On Saturday, Jonah and I first met at a bar. When it came to meeting someone online, I always felt safer meeting a stranger in public. Jonah was in his late twenties and turned out to be quite handsome, athletic, tall, and blonde. When we sat down, I found the conversation was natural. We conversed for about an hour learning more about each other over drinks and queso then Jonah asked, “Are you ready? I have so many ideas. Let’s do this!”
First, we headed over to the grocery store and picked up a box of pre-made sushi as well as several different types of candy to use as props for the photos. Once we arrived at my house, we went straight to business. Jonah pulled out of his backpack his camera along with decorative toe rings. While he was busy setting everything up in my bedroom, I changed into my new black, sexy, lacy lingerie. Jonah ended up spending hours upon hours taking photos of my feet. He started off by gently placing all of the toe rings onto both of my feet and placed my feet on top of the bed so I was lying flat on my back.
Later, he turned me over onto my stomach and raised my legs in the air. Jonah proceeded to add pieces of nigiri and California rolls on top of the soles of my feet. Then he slipped two chopsticks in between my toes. After that, he removed the sushi props and had me sit straight up with my feet on the ground so he could then place the sushi on top of my feet.
After our sushi photos, came dessert. Jonah removed the toe rings then replaced them with peach sour gummy rings. While wearing the peach sour gummy rings, Jonah had me slowly pour a bag of red hot tamales candy over my feet. As the candy rained down, he quickly took snapshots. The photos were a fiery vibrant color of reds, yellows, and oranges.
Once we were done with the food photos, Jonah had me change into my maroon colored bikini. We left my apartment then walked out into the summer evening and took photos of my feet in the pool. Jonah took as many photos as he could before a family arrived for a late-night swim. He was too worried what the public may think of our bizarre activity so we headed back into my apartment where I took a bubble bath in my bikini. Jonah took photos of my feet from all angles of my feet submerged in bubbles.
Throughout this entire photoshoot, I was laughing at the absurdity of what I was doing. I was actually enjoying myself. When we were done with my bath, Jonah dried my feet with a small towel then carried me over to my bed because he didn’t want my clean feet touching the floor. As a reward for all of his hard work, I allowed Jonah to give me a foot massage and lick my toes. As he licked my feet and rubbed my legs, he laid down on the floor and had me press my feet all over his face. I was enjoying the moment just as much as he was. I was delighted to have someone touch my feet once more. During that entire time, I was watching tv, drinking a glass of wine, and smoking my Juul. I was pretending as though nothing abnormal was even happening. After my show had finished, Jonah gave me a hug then happily packed up and left.
Soon as Jonah closed the door, I returned to my room and reflected on my first experience with my first friend with foot benefits. I felt as though there was an immediate trust with Jonah. He was never demanding but rather, extremely polite. “May I please move your feet over here? May I please place these rings on your toes? Are you okay? Are you comfortable?” He was constantly making sure that he wasn’t overstepping any lines. As the dominant one in the relationship, I actually felt lost in the flow of the moment. I wasn’t self-conscious at all. In fact, Jonah made me feel valued and respected.
I was beginning to really see there really were positives to having a friend with foot benefits.
I felt free.
I felt happy.
I felt like a foot goddess.