Lessons from my 20s

You may want to learn from my mistakes

1. People judge a book by its cover

When I was about to finish high school, my mother offered to pay for a double eye lid procedure. She said being beautiful wouldn’t hurt.

I thought my mom’s idea was silly and I convinced myself I would be doing just fine with my slanted eyes… or my unflattering shirts or my boring hair and my pale skin.

Fast forward ten years, I still live with my slanted eyes but have slowly learned to dress properly and wear some makeups. It just took me unbelievably long to get something done about all these. I remember scribbling down a one-page essay to convince myself why I needed to renew my wardrobe and learn how to draw eyebrows.

If I had been meticulous enough, my unwillingness to get a free aesthetic surgery itself should be sufficient to raise a red flag over my future career trajectory. I tried too hard at wanting to be recognized for my skills and not my looks. But let me tell you: If you can have both skills and looks, it definitely wouldn’t hurt. Your bosses may not want to admit that they judge your capacity to complete an assignment from the way you look cause it make them look bad. But if you can make them sleep well knowing they can trust you from the way you look, why wouldn’t you do that?

2. “Be yourself” is the most misleading advice ever

I am a shy person. What should I do about it? Just be yourself.

Wrong.

I am a shy person. What should I do about it? Start acting like you are not one.

Shy people have hard time climbing the corporate ladder, well, unless you write a killer code or work as a doctor.

I read this book by Susan Cain about being introvert. This book is not there for all introvert people to unite and revolutionize the corporate culture on how they favor extrovert employees more. I believe this book is written so that we see ourselves better and finally get a way or help to improve our demeanor in corporate life.

3. The best performing students aren’t necessarily the most successful in their careers

You ever wonder why? This is because the most successful people in their careers are those who know how to navigate through the rat race in the corporate or the entrepreneur ladders. At work place, social skills comes first after your academic establishment.

Did you notice those students who lead school gangs and consequently skip classes? Don’t look down on them. These people might not do so well in Math or English but they are early adopters in social skills. It helps if they happen to be smart academically. But even if not, the odds are they may make more money later than some students with shiny degrees. Remember, these people know how to fend for themselves and have not let rough life scar their soul.

No one told me about this when I was at school. I should hang out more with gang leaders and pick up some social skills that could be useful.

4. Networking matters

Living in Indonesia, we make “networking to get a job or get a job done” sound like it is an unfair practice. Now let me tell you: It is a legitimate practice. People insisting it is not are just jealous at your far stretching success in social life.

How can networking to get a job ever be justified?

Well, I happen to write a Masters paper on this subject. To cut 10 pages paper short, networking is a verification and guarantee method. It works like a job hiring interview and recommendation letter practices. A boss was introduced to a prospective employee through a mutual friend. They talked at length and the mutual friend confirmed some qualification and achievement this person has shared. The boss is feeling confident knowing that the employee’s background is validated through the mutual friend. Well, my argument may be off-limit for some networking-for-job cases but networking itself is a skill too invaluable to miss nowadays. Manager and more senior positions are rarely advertised nowadays. Companies use headhunters or rely on networking circle to secure talents.

5. Passion at work is overrated

When I was young, some good books I read say that you need to get a job that you feel passionate about. Those books have me romanticizing about my professional life as a successful writer. I want to stick to become a writer but it does not happen in one night. You have to get a job that pays the bills and let you invest in skills that will eventually take you to where you want to be.

When I browsed Quora the other day, I came through these questions asking what people should do about jobs they hated, that are tedious and boring. These people want to give up working and travel the world.

I was that person once. Did I tell you that I once quit my job after it became unbearable and travelled the world? Yes, I did.

How would that make me feel afterwards?

I wanted the same job back.

Cause actually you hate the environment where you work but not the job itself. Sometimes when the working environment gets nasty you may dramatize some things, like wanting to quit and take a plunge into some other professions in some other places. The truth is you simply want a recognition and fair treatment. So my advice if you can’t figure out your passion yet, you can get a job that pays well, allows you to invest in some key skills and comes with great corporate culture.