Letters To My Future Self, Part Three

Photo by Adrian Dascal on Unsplash

Hello Future Me!

(I`ve decided that you still deserve to be capitalized).

I have been thinking, and I can`t hold this question in anymore.

Where do you live?

Do you have a gigantic mansion filled to the brim with books like we have been wanting for a while, or something else? What about a tiny house or that RV with the tiny nooks and crannies that captured our heart from the beginning? If you are living in a cramped apartment downtown, I am severely disappounted in you.

Who do you think you are?

This is not what you want, not what you have been wishing for, and not what you are capable of reaching. NO! Do not start giving me excuses! You are better than this, Lillian! You cannot give up here just because someone at work thinks your glasses are lopsided! You must keep going! Do not start telling me that life was harder than we expected and that nobody likes you. Shut up and listen! You already know that we have always had issues with listening, so prove all of those disclaimers wrong, right now, and step back. You can`t give up.

I know that you do care what other people think, and that you can`t change that. You can`t change other people`s eyes and what they see, I`m sorry. But you already know of the one thing that you can change. You can change what you do. Step back and look around you. Stop searching for judgements and mis-read remarks and clarity. That never got us anywhere. Yes, Lil, you still got it. We have never been an innocent little cherub, and that promising fact has already been squared away.

You already know that you`re worth it. You take the time each day to ask the question, so why the Hell don`t you answer it??

Go on, say it.

I was right this time.

I`m still waiting for an answer,

-Lillian.

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