What is innocence?
Ever since I was a small child, I have pondered over this question.
For a while, I thought it meant my virginity.
But, now I am not so sure.
Is innocence the absence of something? Is the gain of it something that you develope and learn?
The dictionary defines it as: “Ignorance, blamelessness, or the freedom from guilt or sin.”
But that makes it sound like nievity, which is an entirely different word with an entirely different meaning.
We all must take responsibility of our actions at some point in time, and it seems as though adulthood symbolizes this shift in perspective.
But, no, I don`t think that this is so either.
We learn this awareness throughout our whole lives; from the moment we open our eyes for the first time; we learn how to view ourselves from all angles, and to take accountability for all that we do.
Our parents can`t give us protection from ourselves; we walk out into the world, unpredictable, and completely capable of change, and they know this.
It`s beautiful, watching my siblings grow and slowly realize that they have never really been ignorant.
Adults are just overgrown children, after all.
There is a knowledge in that one eventually becomes aware of the choice to stay innocent.
It is blissful, that is why we choose it again and again.
We decide not to ask ourselves the questions that will find the answers that we don`t want to hear; we look at what we choose to look at, and say what we want to say.
Nothing we do is involuntary.
Everything we do is ours, and we know it.
So really, innocence does not exist. We have been aware of ourselves and our actions since existence. But something in us chooses to go against Nature time again. We do the right thing.
We sacrifice ourselves.
Even though everything in us tells us to do the opposite.
We choose to care.
Human Nature`s instructions are obvious. Look out for number one. Take care of your legacy. Nothing but your own safety is important.
We are all the same, in that way.
It`s brilliant, how we all hide behind the different personalities that we create to tell ourselves that we are different, but behind all the different faces, the same instincts are inside of all of us.
To prevail.
To kill the innocence.
To always win the battle for our conciousness.
But we decide not to do it.
We tell ourselves that we can fall in love, but no. No one has ever fallen in love.
We choose to love.
We choose who we love.
Some choose themselves; it`s the most obvious choice.
Others take the harder route.
But deep down, we all make our own choices.
Maybe that`s why some of us enjoy love so much.
Because those people have chosen others over themselves time and time again.
It`s beautiful.
Not the soft, pleasurable stuff that lives on in crushes and erotica.
That`s just instinct.
But we choose to love.
I believe that with all of my person.
Where else would we get all of the bitter, sad people who made choices that led them to where they are now?
You can`t say that someone or something made you do anything, really.
Your will can`t go against your will.
And isn`t that so interesting?
That if innocence really doesn`t exist, then as narcissistic as it seems, we could be the strangest animals in our universe!
We don`t come by anything honestly, that`s why it is so wonderful to see so many of us doing the right thing even when it sacrifices our safety.
That`s why I believe the human race can`t be entirely evil.
We`re all just little kids on the playground; sharing our toys.
Watching others and learning about ourselves.
It`s frightening and amazing isn`t it?
How much any of us can decide?
How much any of us is capable of undoing?
