Working at the Museum of Contemporary Art Australia. This is what happened to me. It does not exist in a vacuum.
Lilly Lai is a Chinese/Anglo artist who has lived and worked on Darug and Gadigal land of the Eora Nation
At 18 I got offered the role of Business Administration Trainee (BAT) at the MCA. The position was advertised as an opportunity for young people wanting to begin a career in the arts sector with little to no prior experience. I remember hearing an MCA director later speak of it as an outreach program to help ‘disadvantaged’ youth. As someone who dropped out of high school, getting the opportunity to work full-time in an internationally highly regarded art museum felt like I’d won the lottery.
The first thing that presented as a big struggle for me was the pay. It was around $20k per annum, which came down to $700 per fortnight, $350 per week. As someone who had moved to Sydney for the job, with zero external financial support I struggled to make ends meet. I did not know the city very well and could only find accommodation at around $250 per week, so I’d only have $100 to get through the week, meaning I could just barely manage to make it work. I was told by my manager that I’m entitled to additional income from Centrelink which took me 8 months to get approved for and begin receiving payments.
At first I was so excited to be a part of the institution, but then gradually I began noticing disparities in treatment towards myself and my white colleagues that were also BATs. At my weekly catch ups with the HR manager who was my direct manager, I would receive regular comments on my appearance not being up to standard, and of coworkers making complaints to her about it. She told me that she was disclosing this information about receiving complaints in the interest of transparency and she also would repeatedly say that if I didn’t work on dressing and appearing more professional, she would have to use disciplinary action. I was never told what disciplinary action meant.
To be honest there were times where my dress code was not up to scratch. I had bought affordable office wear before I started the job, but the condition of the clothing quickly worsened after six months completing many tasks that involved heavy lifting and robust movement. I remember my smart shoes, dresses, and blazers becoming raggedy. I couldn’t afford to buy new clothes to replace these, I felt embarrassed and anxious in the workplace, and worried about all the whispers going around the office and who was complaining to HR about me. My fellow Business Trainees did not have the same difficulty with clothing and money. They lived at home and did not have the same expenses that come from living independently. I would feel so inadequate about not being able to present as immaculately as I perceived them to have been able to. I remember my manager always using the co BATs as examples I should follow.
As a Trainee, you get assigned tasks to complete that aid the day to day function of the office workers. This involved many things such as keeping the staff room tidy and clean, cleaning out the coffee machine, and going into the storage cages at the loading dock to search for anything requested from upstairs. Sometimes my Co Trainees would avoid or refuse to do tasks like these because they felt it was beneath them, and I would cover for them to keep the peace and to not disappoint our managers, and then I guess I just kept covering for them. It became normal for these tasks to be my responsibility. At least once a week I would have to go into the storage cages, sometimes having to physically crawl in to retrieve things placed far at the back. This would leave me covered in thick dust and rips in my already ragged clothing.
I also spent a large amount of time assisting in the education department. The educators and staff there were so concerned about my warnings from HR that they brought in hand-me-downs for me so I could be dressed appropriately. They were so concerned about my health they would bring in an extra lunch for me. They had noticed that my diet mainly consisted of instant noodles and 2 dollar maccas burgers. I am so grateful to have had this support, looking back I feel embarrassed I was in a position that I had to accept out of necessity.
I would too often arrive at least an hour early and leave one to two hours late. It wasn’t until around 6 months in that I was told by a coworker that all staff are entitled to time in lieu. And I also learned that when my co trainees did on the occasion stay behind one hour, they would be approved to come into work the next day an hour late. When I went to request time in lieu my direct manager informed me that they couldn’t afford it, and if I decided to work outside of the 9–5 it would have to be voluntary. Eventually, my temporary manager in the education department I was temporarily working under would give me informal time in lieu. When my direct manager found out she asserted to me and everyone involved that time in lieu could only be approved by her, and again brought me into her office to threaten disciplinary action. During this entire time she was approving any requests for time in lieu made by my white co trainees.
I remember once having a casual conversation with the HR assistant in the breakroom, who told me that they would not be hiring new trainees at the same time of year I got hired because they wanted better quality applicants. And that they will now only hire at the time of year that people have just graduated high school. I remember being told on more than one occasion by both HR manager and HR assistant that I lied to them about having a family to live with in Sydney when I was interviewed for the job. This Insinuated that if I had told them the truth, that I didn’t have family, they would not have hired me.
I called in sick much more than my paid sick leave accommodated for. I would have a lot of one on one meetings telling me this was unacceptable. I felt so horrified about it and angry at myself. But the truth is many mornings I’d wake up feeling like I literally couldn’t move a single muscle. The day ahead would seem so full of fear about being called into the office and told I’m not enough, receiving off-handed comments that I had cheated my way into the institution.
Any task that required a large amount of labour, whether monotonous like putting together 100 induction packages, to collating large amounts of information for data entry, I was assigned because I would do the job fast and efficiently with no complaints. However, at the same time, whenever I was in conversation with HR, I was talked to like I was a burden and never an asset.
My final weeks in the position left me with some of the most traumatising workplace experiences I have had. My Co Trainee who had finished a week earlier than I, was immediately offered a position to transition into becoming a Gallery Host. I was not offered the position. I felt very upset by this because I felt that I had spent most of our traineeship not only completing all work I was assigned to an incredibly high standard, but also constantly covering for him, completing his half-done jobs, and resolving disputes he would have with other coworkers.
I then realised that the only thing I could do was ask for the same position too, which I did in my next one on one with the HR Manager. She told me that unfortunately, it was out of her hands, she couldn’t offer me the position because my performance was not high enough to validate the request, and that my badly bleached blonde hair was so unruly that I could not be in the type of front-facing position that the role of Gallery Host requires. I started hyperventilating in her office and had a full-blown anxiety attack. I felt so confused and humiliated. I ran out of the office crying. I didn’t understand how my performance could have been conceived as bad when everyone I had assisted over the year outside of HR had always valued and talked highly of my quality of work and work ethic.
I told a coworker what had happened and she raised hell. I believe, but am not 100 percent sure, that she went to the Museum Directors office to express her outrage and to advocate for me to stay on as a host. I was so grateful to have someone fighting for me, to feel that someone cared and did not believe that I was worthless. My HR manager then requested a follow-up meeting with me insisting that we go for a walk outside, which she had never done before. I believe it was because she was scared I would cry again and wanted to make sure that it was away from any office staff’s notice.
She told me that she had to pull some huge strings to make this happen, but I could now become a Gallery Host and that it was not easy for her to make that happen. She told me that I had to promise her that I would have to fix my appearance because any issue that could be had with me would be a direct reflection on her. I did cry, this time tears of relief and gratitude and thanked her immensely and promised her I would fix my hair and make her proud.
The Gallery Host pay at the time was 27.50 per hour. I felt like all this struggle had finally led to something good. I would have financial security and still, get to be surrounded by Art. I was so passionate about the MCA and the Art that came through it. I felt so proud to have been a small part of that.
During my last week, HR started insisting that I do my 4-hour standard host induction during my traineeship so that they didn’t have to pay me the host salary. I was shocked by this, not only did I not have the time during my last week because I had to wrap up and hand over all of my responsibilities, but I also knew that my co trainee who had transitioned to hosting one week earlier received a four-hour induction at host salary with no request otherwise. I had multiple anxiety attacks that day. My managers knew that the $100 was the difference between me being able to eat proper food sooner and top up my opal. I felt further humiliated to be in that position in the first place.
On one of my last days the then HR assistant came out to reception to catch the elevator and struck up a casual conversation with me whilst I was covering the front desk. She asked me how I felt about the traineeship and commented that it was so sad it was coming to an end. I told her it was very bittersweet and that I’m so grateful to have had this experience. As the elevator doors begin closing she tells me that she told me I needed to be grateful this whole time and that it was sad it had taken me until now to realise this.
On another one of my last days as a Trainee, there was a standard leaving lunch for me that every staff member gets when they leave or transition departments. My co trainees that left before me had lunches at moderately expensive pubs in the Rocks. I was told to select a place to go to that was affordable. I selected an affordable restaurant around the corner. My manager did not send the standard email inviting people in our department to join. I think only around four people came, HR Manager, HR Assistant, another trainee, a colleague who was my friend and insisted on coming and a director I had rarely interacted with who insisted on coming after realising it was taking place in five minutes. The whole lunch was awkward. I do not believe anybody wanted to be there.
At the end of the lunch, everyone started to go up to pay for their meal separately. I suddenly realised that my manager was not going to offer to organise for everyone to cover me as was standard for every single leaving lunch I had attended in my year working there. I felt full of fear because I did not have the 20 bucks in my account needed to cover my meal and would have to ask in front of everyone for someone to cover me. Luckily the director who joined seemed to notice when it came to my turn to pay and went back to pay for me. The HR Manager suddenly said she had forgotten to organise my cover, and offered to pay and the director refused her offer.
At the end of my last day as a Trainee, I went to meet with my department director for a formal wrap-up meeting. It was very cordial and kind to begin with. Eventually, he asked me if there was anything I would recommend the MCA could do to improve the BAT role. I told him politely that I struggled to make ends meet with the salary. I suggested that maybe they could consider giving a more liveable wage even though I understood that as this is a traineeship programme, they were paying salary at the base rate required by the government.
He responded by telling me that the MCA does not have the money to do this. That I should be grateful for having been able to do this. That I was lucky that he and HR had stuck their neck out for me time and time again. He then accused me of bullying my boss, the HR Manager, and that I should feel ashamed of what I did to this poor woman. He told me that he will be watching me going into hosting, that HR will be watching me, that he has told the new department director to keep an eye on me, and that he will tell my new direct manager to keep an eye on me. He told me that if he ever hears a word of me speaking badly about another coworker, my employment would be immediately terminated.
I immediately dyed my hair black and went into my role as a Gallery Host trying to be as invisible as possible. If I ever saw my prior director or HR staff in the Galleries or foyers, I would immediately try and hide or become unnoticeable.
When you’re a Gallery Host, you constantly have to deal with members of the public that take issue with you. When you’re a First Nations, Black, or Person of Colour (PoC) Gallery Host, you will receive this treatment multiple times a day. White visitors will regularly take issue with a non-white person holding a position of authority in the gallery space. It becomes exhausting to experience, each microaggression, each racially motivated slur used against you adds to the ever-growing pile.
MCA has never had any policy to support and protect their Gallery Hosts from culturally and linguistically diverse (CALD) backgrounds. The few times I reported blatant racism or verbal abuse from visitors to my shift managers, they would not know what to do and freeze. The chain of command above Gallery Hosts has been and continues to be White.
When I joined the host team, Gallery Hosts were the most culturally diverse group of staff in the Museum. Gallery Hosts had always had a high turnover rate and I started to notice that for Hosts of Colour it was even higher. From my time working at MCA until now, the MCA has never had more than one First Nations Host at a time. For a majority of this timeframe, MCA had no First Nations Hosts at all. Whilst I was working as a Gallery Host I noticed that with every hiring round of hosts, fewer hosts of colour would be hired until the last round of hires before I left, where only one PoC was hired.
When I left the MCA over a year ago I believe I counted 15–20 Hosts of Colour out of around 70. Now after COVID 19 reopenings, I believe there are only 2 hosts of colour out of the 32 Hosts that remain due to the JobKeeper program.
One and a half years ago I publicly requested further support for hosts of colour in a Host meeting. My manager and department director both said absolutely and thank you so much for standing up and telling us what you all need. I requested twice more after this meeting for what this extra support would look like and my manager told me that we would have to do this later because she was too busy, and then didn’t reply to my follow up email. I know that a few months later, multiple Gallery Hosts emailed our Manager with requests for health and safety specifically including their concern for the health and safety of hosts of colour to be met with nothing.
We’d constantly hear rhetoric from staff members in managerial or directorial positions about Trainee and Gallery Host positions being a great starting point for coming into the MCA. That this was the way you could move into other roles within the Museum that are considered more important. I disagree however, and believe my foot into the MCA came with a time limit and inhumane terms and conditions. I feel that this sentiment is shared with other CALD staff that came into and left the Museum. We’d joke that the MCA only had diversity in the host department because we were the staff that would be seen by the public and this made us good PR for them. Get the staff standing by the art to look as diverse as the art, and maybe they won’t notice that the ones who are in control are not the same. Cover the surface with colour and maybe they won’t notice that the core is colony. Funnily enough, I guess we were wrong about them prioritising diversity in the lowest considered positions.
I left MCA a little over a year ago after being pulled into a performance review with my current Manager and HR Manager (who was the HR assistant whilst I was a Trainee). They told me that my performance was poor and that this was my last warning. I told them they were right. Because truth be told my performance had been getting poorer and poorer. I’d call in sick a lot and sometimes just not show up at all. I stopped wanting to talk to visitors about art because I didn’t really trust them. I started having disillusioned and cynical opinions on most of the art coming through the museum. I’d feel delirious after long stints standing on concrete, listening to video audio loops on constant repeat. I must have spent thousands of hours standing on that concrete. Having to ask for permission when I needed to pee and feeling embarrassed when I had to explain to my shift manager that I took extra long on the toilet because I needed to take a dump over the radio.
I’m sharing my story in case there is a tiny chance that it could lead to accountability. This did not happen in a vacuum, I am one of many that hold traumatic experiences from engaging with this institution.
