At 13 I lost sight

I spent more nights in the bathtub

Drinking whiskey from open bottles left on counter tops

Then worrying what to wear to school the next day

And since insecurity was unsexy

Feeling sexy was a mystery

Dripping fear into my life because

I never thought I would feel sexy

I learned to bite my tongue

Because my opinions did not matter

And everyone likes a quiet girl

At 16 he came along

Taught me to bite my lip, and my tongue

Bend into any position

To fit what eased his tiered mind

24, with cigarette-stained fingers

His touch burned holes into places

That I never knew existed

Take the hit, but don’t strike back

Stop crying, no one care

And don’t you dare wear your emotions

He turned me into the person I am today

And for that, each day I blame her

Avoiding mirrors

or conversations

any reminder

or association

Vodka numbs the tears

As I tie ribbons around fingers

as I try to remind myself to forget

Wounds only as deep as the gash

Scars lay reminders that life is still yours

But not yours to take

And yet he had the audacity to take

Everything I had

Crucify my innocence

And strip me of my right

To feel safe in this body