The $450 Brownie

How much would you pay to go back to travel days of yore, before the TSA started regularly performing cavity searches, and boarding gates were fluorescent-lit holding pens, and fellow travelers dressed themselves in painting rags and ill-fitting sweatshirts?

I have a bevy of friends and family who loathe travel, and it’s not hard to understand why. It’s miserable to pay hundreds of dollars to be herded through overcrowded security lines, strip-searched, only to arrive at an oversold flight that insists you pay $50 to gate-check your bag that would have fit in the overhead compartment, if there were actually enough space for each passenger on the flight. And on top of it, you’re probably going to end up seated next to this guy.

But even as airlines are decreasing passenger space to make more money, there are glimmers of hope for traveling in comfort and style. TSA Pre-Check and Global entry allow customers to avoid the epic lines and invasive searches. Shoes on. Liquids in. Laptops untouched. Bags can be checked free of charge with the right credit card. Seats with extra legroom are available for a $20-$40 upcharge. But if you really want to travel like a motherf***ing boss (think Don Draper), there’s one glimmer of travel glory that outshines all the rest — and I really like my TSA pre-check — The Centurion Lounge.

Herein is where I defend the value of a $450 brownie.

The Centurion Lounge is an oasis in the Saharan wasteland of airports. You are greeted by a lush grass wall adorned with shining metal “Centurion Lounge” welcome letters. There are a plethora of comfortable leather chairs, funky couches, and little nooks to settle into among the vintage suitcases and classic travel posters. You have full access to a custom-crafted drink list from cocktail mastermind, Jim Meehan, a buffet of real food, like fresh guacamole and enchiladas, and, my favorite, some of the best damn brownies I’ve ever had. No really, I regularly stuff about 6 of them into my purse on my way out.

And all of this is free.

Well, sort of.

If you own an American Express Platinum card, then you and two guests are welcomed in with open arms to any Centurion Lounge, and can enjoy all of the brownies your little heart desires. If you own a Centurion card you also have access, but don’t need to read this, because you’re probably awaiting your butler to alert you when your private jet has landed while enjoying some Pappy 23 year (lucky asshole).

The $450 annual fee for the Platinum card does have a hefty ring to it, but if you travel more than 3 times a year, it’s a worthwhile expenditure. To start with, you get a $200 airline credit to the airline of your choice. No questions asked, just a refund on your statement for a purchase of an airline ticket or airline-related cost. You’ve already recouped almost half of your fee. There are various other perks through hotels (think $80 daily credits in room service) that will easily make up the other $250, but I would argue that the lounge alone is well worth $250 a year.

Let’s figure you travel 3 times this year. That’s 6 airports you’re waiting in. You’re probably going to want some food and a drink. On average that’s going to run you $5 for a coffee, water, or soda, and $10–12 for an adult beverage, plus a meal that will easily run you $15. Now we’re talking at least $25 per airport visit, for a modest, and probably unhealthy meal, and that’s just for you. If you’re traveling with a companion, now we’re talking ~$50, and if your flight’s delayed, either you’ll consume more, or your hanger will consume you. $50 x 6 = $300. You’ve already made your money back, and you haven’t even had a purse full of delicious brownies.

This isn’t counting the other, less financially tangible perks, like charging your phone, tablet, eReader, and computer without fighting that entitled lady for a spot at the one charging station, or sitting in an actual chair, instead of crumpled on the questionably stained carpet, praying you aren’t sitting in old vomit.

Is $450 a lot of money? Sure is. Is it fair to pay extra money because airlines are cutting corners and punishing us? Sure isn’t. But, as a frequent traveler for both work and pleasure, comfort and ease are paramount. As a brownie-enthusiast, really good brownies, are, well, priceless.