“Little red bird under a chair
Waiting for the crumbs to fall
“Daddy said, ‘Get a job’
But, don’t you see, daddy, how good I am at catching crumbs?”
The opening lyrics from the Dave Matthews song, “Little Red Bird” hits me like a punch in the gut every time I hear it. It brings me to a feeling of vulnerability, a childhood innocence, and feelings of shame — “why can’t you see what I’m good at?” Why am I not good enough?
My life, up to this point, has been lived for someone else — parent, spouse, child — and I have never lived up to their expectations — why can I not just be myself? Why has that never been OK? Being myself means being abandoned, but myself is who I was meant to be. That little red bird is me and all I ever wanted was to be told I could be free.