“Don’t try so hard”…
… That’s something I’ve always forget to remember, yet got reminded of after hearing Pastor Lian’s sharing on the Hebrew word “Yadah” (Praise) during Sunday’s service. But what struck me more was the “timing” of its delivery, as the same Sunday also happened to be the deadline for submission of my most dreadful project for this semester… LOL~
So it’s coming to the end of semester (again), where all the remaining deadlines start crashing in wave upon wave… But unlike Grace, assignment crunch time never fail to overwhelm the mind with all sorts of negative thoughts, and I’ve always wondered how my classmates who have a full-time job and even family (i.e. married with kids) actually manage, juggle and balance everything~
The final class (which took place 10 days ago) constitute a presentation for the group project… The deadline and requirements were clearly stated right from the beginning of the semester, but for some strange reason, everyone in the group just blatantly sit on it for the longest time until like 4 days before the presentation. Yup, left with only 4 days, and the coding for the content analysis wasn’t even done (i.e. no dataset). How brilliant. Had this happen in the previous semester, I probably would’ve kick up a fuss and started pushing everyone to move. But this time round, I decided to wait.
Wait for what? Wait for the “genius” who-thinks-he-knows-it-better to do something, since he doesn’t seem to be pleased with whatever we’ve done so far (changing every single thing from the proposal to literature review to research design, and the 2 other non-existent brains seemed to favour his ideas over mine most of the time). I told myself to learn from mistakes and stop being overly assertive on my point-of-view and learn to trust others to do a better job. Unfortunately, everyone (including myself) seemed to have placed a wrong bet.
The one who thinks-he-knows-better, didn’t turn out to be what he thinks he is. In fact, evidence (i.e. mediocre grades and confused remarks from Prof T) seems to show that he has unknowingly created a mess that he didn’t know how to salvage. Great. If it was last semester, I would’ve flipped the tables and scream at him. But I didn’t, cos I acknowledge that at least he realise his mistake halfway through the sem and took the initiative to apologise.
So there’s not much time left. The coding’s still not in, and there’s barely enough time for proper analysis, let alone preparing the powerpoint slides. At this crucial juncture, one of the non-existent brains was still asking weird questions (which only reflect her total lack of interest, responsibility and contribution in the project) and made all kinds of excuses to explain why she didn’t participate in the discussion, why she’s late in submitting her part… etc. Seriously, perhaps only sympathetic primary school teachers might buy that bullshit, but sorry, I’m not one of them. If it was last semester, I would’ve complained to the Prof and request for her to be kicked out of the group, but I didn’t. I just kept quiet and tried my best to contain my anger while constantly remind myself NOT to bite her head off whenever we have to meet…
It’s just painful to watch time ticking away and I could only stare at the excel sheets with a dead brain, not knowing what to do. I was at my wits’ end. I tried to seek help from friends (whom I thought might be experts with Statistics Analysis), but none of them seemed to be able to offer a solution (or a reply that ‘sound’ like a solution). Then I started ranting on WhatsApp again, although I’ve reminded myself repeatedly not to, cos that will only focus my energy on the problem and nothing productive will come out of it. But the flesh is weak. I’m just not patient enough to swallow all these frustrations in silence, I desperately needed to let off some steam…
So I typed a long series of rants to a sister-in-Christ, C who holds a leadership position at her workplace, seeking her advice on how to motivate people in my group to work together. She didn’t reply immediately as she’s busy with something, but that was when the “strange things” start to happen… Out of the blue, my iTunes (which was playing random songs from my “Worship” playlist in the background) started to play this song by Amy Grant where the first line goes:
“Another Monday comes and I just wanna breathe…
Cos it’s a long, long week for someone wired to please…”
Yes, it was a Monday when I ranted, and yes, I was feeling rather “choked” by the thought of not-being-able-to-finish-the-analysis-in-time for Friday’s presentation… OMG, that’s creepy. Where did that song come from and why does it seemed to be describing exactly how I feel at that moment…?!! (O.O)”
And then, the chorus went:
“Don’t try so hard…
God gives you grace and you can’t earn it.
Don’t think that you’re not worth it.
Because you are~
He gave you His love and He’s not leaving.
Gave you His Son so you’d believe it.
You’re lovely even with your scars.
Don’t try so hard…”
At that very moment, tears just rolled down my cheeks uncontrollably… It was the Holy Spirits ministering to me through the song! Why am I so sure? Cos this song has been sitting in my laptop since 2013, but I have absolutely no recollection of hearing it, and I have altogether 7928 mp3’s in my iTunes library, so the chances of it being played at that exact moment (when I needed to hear from God) was 1/7928, i.e. only 0.0126%!!!
Amazing, right???!!
And hold on, I’m not done with the story, yet. Just when this song of 0.0126% chance was playing, a tweet from Pastor Joel Osteen of Lakewood Church appeared in my Twitter feed:
“Go the extra mile to keep strife out of your life. Walk away even when you feel like arguing — that’s a sign of strength.”
Again, it’s another message reminding me to keep my cool and trust God. And that’s not all. The numbers in the date of this tweet “9.11.15” somehow just jumped out at me, which prompted me to check the Bible for …
Psalm 91:1–15
“1 Whoever dwells in the shelter of the Most High will rest in the shadow of the Almighty.
2 I will say of the Lord, “He is my refuge and my fortress, my God, in whom I trust.”
3 Surely he will save you from the fowler’s snare and from the deadly pestilence.
4 He will cover you with his feathers, and under his wings you will find refuge; his faithfulness will be your shield and rampart.
5 You will not fear the terror of night, nor the arrow that flies by day,
6 nor the pestilence that stalks in the darkness, nor the plague that destroys at midday.
7 A thousand may fall at your side, ten thousand at your right hand, but it will not come near you.
8 You will only observe with your eyes and see the punishment of the wicked.
9 If you say, “The Lord is my refuge,” and you make the Most High your dwelling,
10 no harm will overtake you, no disaster will come near your tent.
11 For he will command his angels concerning you to guard you in all your ways;
12 they will lift you up in their hands, so that you will not strike your foot against a stone.
13 You will tread on the lion and the cobra; you will trample the great lion and the serpent.
14 “Because he loves me,” says the Lord, “I will rescue him; I will protect him, for he acknowledges my name.
15 He will call on me, and I will answer him; I will be with him in trouble, I will deliver him and honor him.”
And when the numbers are flipped, this verse came out…
Psalm 119:15
“15 I meditate on your precepts and consider your ways.”
So the key message was very clear — Read God’s Word. Follow Jesus’ Way. What an amazing revelation!!! (*o*)
And as if it’s still not enough to remind me of Abba’s love, when I went on YouTube to search for the song’s music video, I was led to another of Amy Grant’s song “How Mercy Look From Here”, which spoke of having immense hope out of despair…
That’s like a “triple confirmation” and reminder that God is always with me and He will help me gain victory ground even when I thought all was lost… And true to that, the group eventually managed to churn out some statistics and compiled the powerpoint (like super quick within 2 hours?) for the presentation, and since we happened to be the last group to present, we even had a bit of extra time to amend and touch up our slides in class while the other groups were presenting their projects…
“Amazing grace…
How sweet the sound, to save a wretch like me?”
Yes, there’s no need to “try so hard”, cos there is God! I may not be able to solve the problem, but I know God is always greater than my problems. When we are desperate and in despair, sing PRAISE!! For the hand shall open the door to Grace and pour out Abba’s blessings in our lives…
Thank you, Father, for being my help, my strength and my refuge, always and forever!! \(^.^)/
Soundtrack of the Story:
“Don’t Try So Hard” ~ Amy Grant
[ Music Video | Lyrics ]