Live like nobody is watching

Last night I deleted Instagram.

Remember a time where you could watch a whole movie without a break? Me neither. My days are filled with constant newsfeed checks, but going through Day One of withdrawal I begin to realize the full extent of its impact.

It has somehow creeped up on me gradually. Partially to blame is my OCD for notifications. Like, who are these people who can just let that red dot read 8326 emails? I get drawn deeper into Procrastination Town and next thing I am twenty tabs deep, screenshotting advice to read in a blissful time called “later”.

Due to career choice I now live in a slightly remote town in the middle of Sweden. I love my job but I also suffer from a serious case of FOMO outside of it. Social media has become my security blanket from morning to night, my greatest reality escape and number one connection to the world outside.

But it has also started to distract me from what I really want to do, such as walking in nature, or writing or enjoying movies. My attention span is getting shorter, making it hard to focus and appreciate the now.

I am also being constantly reminded of choices. Mostly other people’s choices. Daily updates on #lifegoals have babystepped themselves into my subconscious, and my mind is gathering all impressions into one big, universal ideal life, one I logically know does not exist.

“Dance like nobody’s watching. Because they’re not, they’re checking their phones.”

A few hours in I am also starting to wonder how much we do for the joy of it, or for the need to express and justify our choices? The line between the two are starting to blur, even for myself. What would I do if nobody knew about it? If I wouldn’t post a single picture from my upcoming trip to Bali? If I didn’t share a video from that Instafriendly party in Stockholm?

If a tree falls in the forest and no one’s around to ‘gram it, does it even count?

OK that was me trying to make a new quote (focus, brain!) This forces me to ask my perceived non-narcissistic ass a question I never thought I’d ask: How would I live if nobody watched?

Looking up from my phone with my now E.T.-hunched neck, I’m seeing all unfinished creative projects around the house, all the books I haven’t read and the pile of laundry I have yet to fold.

Guess I’ll start with the laundry.