Why do we need relationships that crash?

A single mom & gorgeous singer Irada Hait with her new boyfriend.

Alright. Let’s make it clear from the very beginning — I have no idea why do the most of those stunning women with a great mind and quiet a competitive income tie themselves up with a relationships that crash. But what makes me curious even more — why do they start an alliance which is obviously going to fail, and its’ failure is just a matter of time.

Despite my young age I have already eaten a lot of disappointment and cried out rivers of tears because of men. Today I am standing close to my 23rd Birthday and the fact that I am still single only brings me to the thought that all of the relationships I have been into during my life were a failure. Not to say that they all were a dramatic scene of fights and arguments, an empty waste of nerve cells, — they were educational enough, after all the reality is pushing me to the thought that I am still looking for a “right guy” picture to fit in my being, doing the same mistakes every once in a while. All of my feminist girlfriends out there would probably mention, that if you’re single at 23 — it only highlights your concentration on a career and life-success. I bet, they would even cheer me up with something like “that’s way to go, girl”, but it wouldn’t work as a panacea for me.

However, after analyzing a couple of powerful female TedxTalks I understand that most of the strong women still want to have a male in their lives, just to share their success. During a past month I have spent nights on recreating my past relationships in head, remembering all of the guys I have ever fell for, comparing my experience with the lake of relationship experiences of my female surrounding. The conclusion I have stumbled into earlier today, while drinking my latte in the office kitchen — I spend way too much time there — was as simple as that: every time I said “yes” to the relationship, I actually said “yes” to changes.

Now, let me explain this to you: every time I stopped myself from the life-marathon with a mind of being ready to start a relationship, meet someone to share my span with, I honestly wanted a change. My continuance gets quiet chaotic sometimes and the insanity hidden in my brain doubles it, so the connection between me and the certain one must have worked as a magic pill, putting everything on shelves, adding that wonderful harmonic stability into the existence of my young self. I idealized every single candidate, immediately disclosing my thoughts, life-views and life-plans. I thought that it’s important to introduce your values and plans to the person knocking into your world, — and it is way easier to realize whether your paths can make one whole, or no. I was looking for a life-companion who would be able to combine an infant fun with a cozy calm.

Unhappily, the changes that each of the relationships contributed to my reality were far from what I had expected. Of course, it is cool when an introvert like me finally gets a person to regularly hang out with — I am freaked out by going to the cinema alone — still, it doesn’t worth the nerve cells you wasted while trying to make the one fit into your portrait of the perfect partner. Inspired by a lot of wonderful singles all around the world I have finally realized the real reason of my past relationships and now understand, that I can satisfy the hunger for changes on my own. Nobody can actually give you the change you want — you are the only owner of that sacred “final picture” in your head and do not even try to transform it into words, explaining to your partner. Be the change you want to happen in your presence and do not dive into relationship in search for a leader, — you are the one.