A Song of Ice and Hot Takes

Jon Snow Is Getting Catfished

Lincoln Boehm
May 16, 2016 · 3 min read

Last week we discussed the theory of the Northern Houses and their secret, hidden loyalty to Jon Snow, their rightful King in the North.

My thought is that the Umbers declaring their loyalty to Crazy Ramsay Bolton is nothing more than a false flag, meant to lure him into a false sense of security, before the Umbers, Karstarks and other houses of the North turn on him.

You know nothing, Jon Snow.
Jon, you’re getting catfished. Open your goddamn eyes.

This leads me to the letter Jon Snow received this week at Castle Black. Remember, the one where Ramsay threatens to rape and skin basically everyone if he doesn’t get Sansa delivered back to him?

It’s signed by “Ramsay Bolton, Lord of Winterfell and Warden of the North” but what if it wasn’t actually from Ramsay Bolton? What if it was written by the Northern Houses to try and bait Jon into riding on Winterfell with his army of Wildlings, so they could all rendezvous and take the North back from House Bolton?

Sure, Crazy Ramsay Bolton cut off Theon’s dick, raped Sansa, and killed his father, but is he really capable of writing that letter to Jon Snow?

All of the information in that letter would have been information these Northern houses had because they have men inside the walls of Winterfell, so it would be very possible for them to have thought: “How do we get Jon to leave the Night’s Watch and without threatening the entire plan by telling him about it in a letter that could easily fall into the wrong hands or be intercepted? And how do we get the Wildling army on board with meddling with the Wars of Westeros?”

The answer: Write a letter threatening both Jon’s family and the Wildlings. Unite them all under their hatred of Ramsay Bolton.

It would be odd for Ramsay to make such insidious threats on the Wildlings, knowing full well that Jon Snow is nothing without them by his side. Why intentionally create an enemy out of a third party, uninvolved group of people with a 2,000 person army? Furthermore, the one thing we know for sure about Ramsay is that he hates the word “bastard.” He never uses the word, as its mere mention is often enough to remind people of his bastard upbringing. While, sure he’s using it in a derogatory way in this letter, from what we know of Ramsay, I find it hard to believe he’d even want to mention that word, as it’s essentially like tossing a softball in the air to his enemies.

The “Pink Letter” with the seal of House Bolton.

The letter did have the seal of House Bolton on it, but wouldn’t that seal be easy to steal if you were one of Ramsay’s “trusted” friends inside Winterfell? Another thing we know about Ramsay’s letters is that they are often accompanied by some accoutrement in the form of penises, flayed skin, or other potpourri.

Wouldn’t you have expected a direwolf fang or a piece of skin from Rickon in there if it were really from Crazy Ramsay?

All signs point me to the Northern Houses and our Northern Conspiracy to get Jon Snow to sit the throne in Winterfell as Jon Stark, King in the North.

Lincoln Boehm

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writer. resident of brooklyn. my appearance fee is what it is. non-negotiable.

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