My So-Called Quarter Life Crisis

Growing up in the small state of Delaware, I wanted nothing more than to get out. I yearned for a life outside of chain restaurants, the same 5 bars every one from high school visits and a shit load of trees. My eye was on major metropolitan cities like New York and Chicago, full of life, culture and endless possibilities. Don’t get me wrong I love visiting Delaware. It’s pretty and Dewey Beach is the greatest beach town with a drinking problem that ever existed. I just never saw myself living there long-term.

Many friends from high school have stayed there. They’ve also settled down, gotten married, bought a house and even have kids (yes, plural). However, this is a foreign concept to me.

I’m 26, single, working in New York City and wondering how did I get here. Cue Talking Heads’ Once in a Lifetime and so begins the so-called quarter life crisis.

There’s a great divide in your mid-20s: Married and Not Married. Within in the “Not Married” category are various subdivisions. I like to call them Happily Coupled, Desperate to Get Married, In No Rush, Totally Bitter and Completely Losing It.

Nothing sends you into the “Completely Losing it” category faster than a bad breakup. It involves breakdowns, self-loathing, over-thinking and, of course, poor decisions. Depending on your relationship history, you may also find yourself in the “Totally Bitter” bucket. Here you loathe the opposite sex and blame them for all the pain and misery you’ve ever felt, and want nothing more than being alone for the rest of your life. Your angry and misguided hatred generally just makes everyone else around you miserable and people start to actively avoid you, which is perfect because that’s exactly what you wanted anyway.

After moving through the “Completely Losing It” and “Totally Bitter” stages, I’ve now landed safely in the “In No Rush” subdivision. ”In No Rush” land, I don’t have a boyfriend, so no chance of getting married anytime soon, and absolutely NO plans to bare children in the near future. While I’m not actively seeking a boyfriend, if a nice guy came along and wanted to date me, I wouldn’t immediately shoo him away. Although I occasionally have a gag reflex to PDA and love stuff, I’m not against it.

Those of you in the “Happily Coupled” category seemingly figured out how to make someone actually like you enough to stick around for more than a handful of dates, occasionally buy you presents, and if you’re really lucky, tell you they love you. You’re well on your way to joining the Married folks.

Finally, this brings us to the complete opposite of “In No Rush” and that is “Desperate to Get Married.” People in this category can be coupled or uncoupled but one thing is for sure they have their eyes on the prize, a ring. I find more women than men fall victim to this category and absolutely lose their shit when they see someone else is engaged on Facebook. Whether it’s pressure from society or over eagerness to find the love, the elusive power of that shiny object is great.

For the most part, I have my shit together. I have a job, an apartment, and can now afford to do things other than pay bills like buy organic groceries, decorate my apartment, travel and buy a $15 bottle of Rose on Monday night because I want to feel fancy. I’m the healthiest I’ve been in years, eating right for the most part, training for a marathon and practicing yoga. Hell, I even refurbish furniture. But I don’t have the “I want to spend the rest of my life with that person” part figured out yet and unfortunately finding that person is used as a measurement of success in our society.

If you aren’t dating or don’t think you’ll marry the person you’re seeing then something must be wrong with you. If they aren’t “the one,” then you’re wasting your time. I’d like to think we aren’t wasting time but learning more about ourselves. There are many pieces to making up a happy life and you haven’t failed at life if you haven’t found “the one.”

Take time to figure out what you want from your life. You don’t need to add stress by setting relationship expectations. Do what makes you happy. Eventually it’ll lead you to a person who adds value to your life. If not, at least you’re living a happy life on your own terms.

Originally posted on Preparing for Something.