Cohesive Parenting Supports
In graduate school I took a variety of classes that specialized in how to create visual supports (using pictures/word combinations to support verbal instructions) to help children with autism and other developmental disabilities be successful throughout their day. For twelve years, I used them with all my clients and students to help them learn rules, expectations, routines, support expressive communication and help them feel empowered and know what to expect in their world. I was so passionate about the use and effectiveness of visual supports, such as Social Stories, planned activity trainings, visual schedules, communication boards and choice boards, that I was chosen to present at national and international conferences about how to create and implement them in a variety of settings.
Fast forward a few years. My husband and I knew we wanted to have children and we were ready to enter the parenting phase of our lives. After working with kids for over a decade as a speech language pathologist, and taking numerous behavior courses I thought I was prepared to be a Mom. But, wow. Nothing could have prepared either of us for the amount of love and joy, or the amount of uncertainty that goes along with being parents! Before our first son arrived we had already read half a dozen parenting books to try and figure out, “What’s our way?” “How are we going to do this?” “What will work for us?” In the first year of our son’s life, the answers to these questions kept evolving. We knew we wanted to be a “team” and have a cohesive parenting style. But it was HARD! Even with all the knowledge we had gained from books, blogs, etc…we still found ourselves struggling with a variety of daily aspects of parenting, including how to be a cohesive team when it came to our rules, plans, discipline, etc.
When James was about 10 months old, we needed to change up his bedtime routine. After several nights of tears and frustration for all of us, I decided to fall back on what I knew — using pictures to help communicate a plan. Did little James know what to expect when we said, “Time for bed?” Did he know the fun things we were going to do, and that he could expect the same routine from me or my husband. No, I realized he didn’t. So, I made a simple routine book that used digital pictures to show him what each step of our new routine was going to be, paired with basic words for each step. It was so helpful! We started reading the story with him that afternoon. By dinner time, he had requested that we read it to him at least a dozen times. He loved looking at pictures of himself and his things! When bedtime rolled around, everything was much easier. He knew what to expect, we could show him pictures of the next step as we started the transition, and my husband and I had a template we had agreed to follow that was in black-and-white for a quick reference so we could be consistent every night.
We still read the occasional parenting book and blog. The difference is, now, whatever strategies we decide to use, we make a support to help explain the new routine, rules, experience, etc. so the entire family will understand the plan and expectations. These supports are now a core tool in our parenting toolbox. We use them to help us :
Plan it Out: with stories or routine books about new events, experiences or life changes, calendars, schedules and routines that we want to be consistent.
Work it Out: with stories and/or choice boards to help the boys communicate effectively with us or each other during times of stress, anxiety, frustration or great excitement
Feel it Out: with stories and choices to help them learn how to manage their own emotions while they are learning to communicate at different stages of development.
As our children have grown we have realized what a powerful tool these supports have been for us, and how much they help us effectively communicate with them, and with each other. At times of high stress, it has been so helpful to have something concrete we can all look at to refocus (and usually calm down) and all be on the same page. We are far from perfect. We are still figuring out this parenting gig as our boys throw new opportunities and challenges at us daily. But, using these supports have had such a positive impact on our family that we felt we should try to spread the word to other parents about how these tools can be used to help decrease chaos, stress, and tears, and increase communication, understanding and cohesive parenting. This blog will help give you suggestions, examples and easy to print ideas to help you get started using these strategies.
