Moving across the world won’t change your life

Lindsay Kohler
Sep 7, 2018 · 2 min read

Yesterday was my 34th birthday.

By all accounts, that’s an age where one should be settled (whatever that means) and confident in their life path (oh, is there a map and a road I wasn’t aware of?).

Last year, I wanted so much. What, I wasn’t sure. And looking back, that’s part of the problem. But my resolution was “to be open.” I thought if I told the world I was ready, the world would come. But it didn’t. Then, I realized the world wasn’t going to come to me—why would it, it’s much too busy—and I’d have to go to it if I wanted anything, something to change.

So I made the decision to go back to grad school and move part-time to London to do so.

And that hope of change, that changing my surroundings would change my life, sustained me for most of this year. Then, the big move date came a week ago, followed closely by my birthday and I just feel…let down.

Granted, I had an amazing birthday: The famous afternoon tea at Fortnum and Mason. A stroll through the National Gallery. Drinks at The Savoy. Dinner with friends that flew in from San Francisco to be there. A fun party crew to celebrate the rest of the evening in Soho. An awesome and unexpected end to the evening.

But it’s been hard this week, amidst the fun and excitement, and I couldn’t understand why I felt so sad with so many positive things in my life.

Then it hit me: Moving across the world won’t change your life. You’re just moving all your hopes, dreams, fears and expectations to a new zip code, and one with less friends. Turns out those things follow you.

I recently learned a definition of happiness that resonated with me: Happiness is a mixture of pleasure and purpose, and what we choose to focus attention on. On the surface, those are all easy components to manipulate, right? So why is it so hard?

I don’t have an answer for that. But the best we can do is try a little harder each day, give ourselves some slack, and be kind to one another. Temper expectations that rely on circumstance. Get outside and breathe some fresh air. Smile more, and at others. Cry when you need to, but then smile again.

Smile.

Lindsay Kohler

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Relentlessly restless. Culture curator. Bad at short bios. Plays a mean fiddle. San Francisco, CA.