Starting Over

because it’s never too late

I woke up from a dream where I was transported back to the university I graduated from. It’s amazing how something intangible, like a dream, can get you back the feeling of youth, warmth, and empowerment in an instant. In my dream, my university looked different from how I remember it, but the feeling of just being there remained the same.

It reminded me of who I used to be — a confident girl who felt she was at the right place at the right time. Being surrounded by smart, talented, rich people made me feel important, like it wasn’t impossible for someone like me to be part of their elite circle. After all, we were attending the same school, same classes, and same set of professors. Our college experiences were all similar.

Then I graduated and, like a dream, my spark slowly faded. I was opened to a whole world of rejection, disappointment, and mediocrity. I had my share of achievements, but I was constantly digging treasures that weren’t mine. I was too busy chasing dreams that weren’t my own, until I totally lost sight of who I was and who I truly want to be. When I had finally realized what was happening, I already screwed up big time.

It’s true when they say that if you’re the smartest one in the room, you’re on the wrong one. I had been on the wrong side of the road since I graduated; a consequence from a series of wrong decisions I’d made. In my defense, I honestly thought I was on the right track.

The dream reminded me how I felt invincible and hopeful towards a bright future. I see my colleagues, now all successful and important, become the people we used to admire. Unlike me, they’d chased the right dreams, been with the right crowd and focused on their personal growth.

We started in the same place, and they’d come a long way while I went back a step or two. Resentment and shame had become a constant companion, crippling me more than ever. But like all things, it has come to an end. Enough is enough; I’m done feeling sorry for myself.

I maybe back on the starting line, yet this time I have a clearer vision where I’m going. This time it will be different, for I’ve got both eyes open and a bag of experience to guide me with. And although I’m scared I might fail, I’m more scared not to try and remain where I am. I’m ready to move forward, to give it a shot, and chase my own dreams.

I’m in the driver’s seat again, hand resting on the steering wheel, ready to step on the gas.

I am starting over.