I loved her since 2015. I loved her because she needed it more. I loved her so that she could survive.
I loved her because she needed it more. I loved her because she did not have anyone to tell her that it is all just right — and that, she would be alright.
I loved her because I was better at doing that; better than her secret lover at night; better than her ex who was such a swine; I loved her because I was mad at the fact that she allowed people to use her emotions in her weakest time. That I should have been the first one to take that step, but didn’t. Because I knew that she was at her weakest.
Instead, I vowed, to love her by being that one friend she would have needed: the best and truest.
I loved her because I did not pity her. Rather, because I saw the beast inside her: one damn beautiful beast, ready to be unleashed. A creature full of colors, ambitions, talents, and all things wonderful. A beast that, if unleashed, all the people would envy her. But she kept that all hidden under her painful smile. She kept all that under her cuts and lacerations drawn from a painful rejection .
But she is still a thing of beauty. So I was enchanted by her eyes since 2013 but I did not care. After we started talking, I forgot that I had a crush on her face, because I was already starting to have a crush on her brain. Was my judgment partial? Was it just my infatuation that drew myself to thinking that she has a brilliant mind? Or maybe I was right. But like a fool, I kept loving her, but I wondered why she was someone I could not write about.
Still a fool, I kept loving her, the clouds hovered over when she found another lover. I laughed, but I did not cry. I just had to swallow something that I could not describe. It was hard on the throat and it was dry. Looking back to what it was, I realize that I swallowed nothing but pride.
For another year, I still kept on loving her. Even if it meant to not talk to her and pray with all my heart, that she would finally be okay. And just when you thought that she was already doing just fine, she sends a photo of herself with a damn big black eye. It hurt me so much that I could almost cry. Yet she assured me, it was going to be the last. It was over, and she was moving on.
But it is already 2017 and things have changed. We became good friends; the best and truest. We kissed in the dark. We held hands in the daylight, and kissed sometimes, too. She kissed me on a holiday, and gave her heart to me the next day.
I loved her since 2015. I always will.