Great Wedding Expectations

I’m a people person and natural born party planner. I’m your friend that immediately makes a Facebook event and sends out a Doodle the day after everyone drunk promised they’d totally attend a [insert: camping trip, tubing adventure, etc]. I find satisfaction in spreadsheets, elation in maps, and gratification in personal touches. I fantasize about how the event unfolds from the first person to arrive to the last person to leave. I want to create a meaningful memory that people will look back on, say “remember when…” and laugh.

I get this extravagant desire to amaze from my father. Before computers and Google maps, he would record himself giving directions on a cassette tape for visiting friends to follow along in their car. He proposed to my mom with a photo book of him & his male friend dressed as an elderly couple acting out the lyrics of “When I’m 64” and directed a live-action Barbie movie for a friend’s birthday. I vividly remember being stuck inside with scarlet fever watching my parents tie a string under my Barbie car and pull it down the driveway towards the camera. Getting annoyed when “Steve” would fall out and loose his paperclip glasses.

I get more joy out of planning than actually attending because every time I imagine the event my expectations inflate until they’re no longer realistic.

After hosting countless parties and events I’ve grown a thick skin and wary temperament. This has worked swimmingly until now… when the event is once in a lifetime and a even a normal person’s expectations are through the roof.

Although there are many expectations to be had around weddings: venues, decor, outfits, etc., the thing that gives me the most anxiety is the one I have the least control over: guests. During the planning phase, I am in complete control — but as soon as the event starts happening I’m at the whim of others. These people are my beloved family and friends. In the movies, the people willing to do anything to make sure you’re day is perfect. Give away golden retriever puppies at your bridal shower and surprise you after the ceremony with a choreographed song.

When I’m completely rational I know that they care about me, but I’m not the center of their universe. It may be a huge moment for me, but it’s just another friend’s wedding to them. They have other shit going on — like their own wedding, bringing life into the world, and jobs. We will have a fantastic time with those who attend and will not dwell on who didn’t.

However there have been a few occasions during this planning process that my irrational self can no longer be held in check. At friend’s weddings and pre-wedding parties the thought will creep in, “what will mine be like?” “will they do this for me?” I wonder if in trying to be so laissez faire that my friends are happier, but care less. That if I went full bridezilla they wouldn’t forget my wedding date and they’d make an effort to come to my bridal shower and bachelorette. They’d know how much effort I’m putting into making everything just right and they’d emphasize.

Then my rational self returns.