3.4 When Someone Leaves You
When Someone Leaves You
Tantra, and many conscious sexuality practices, might say that all issues we have, especially in relationships, can have their causes traced back to a core sexual wound. If we want to get really essential, the core wound relates to the fact that we’ve come into this imperfect and impermanent body, knowing that we have an infinite consciousness. It can be painful to deal with human stuff! Suffering! Heartache! Attachment! Unmet expectations! Fuck!
Understanding that I have an issue with certain things essentially because I have an issue with the imperfection of human beings has been a massive relief. I am able to accept and forgive myself and others far more now, which leads to less pain and more options in the expression of my present and future freedom. Yay!
So, in light of this, I’ve come to understand that things I have a problem with are a pretty good indication of what I am addicted to. This week, a couple of people unsubscribed from this email list and it really hit me. I felt that pang of mourning. My ego/brain response was instantly: ‘I’ve done something wrong’ and ‘I should have provided more value,’ and ‘I shouldn’t have mentioned my book’ (*see email 1 of this series*).
But I’m literally addicted to thinking like this. I choose this explanation for so many situations in which I feel lost, or abandoned, or worthless. But the only thing I get out of providing myself this answer is feeling those same feelings of lostness, abandonment, and worthlessness. I’m just finding whatever language I can to confirm the shitness! I’m literally choosing to make myself feel like shit. I think most addictions work something like this.
The thing is: what I’m telling myself is not objectively true. It just isn’t. So, I choose otherwise. What I’ve chosen to think when someone leaves my sphere is that they’ve graduated from the School of Simon. Like, it’s totally cool, actually. Honour to them for following their path! Maybe there is room for reflection on why it didn’t work out, for sure, and I’ll also take the opportunity to check back in with my intentions and feel into whether I’m honouring them. I might even alter them. But I’ll definitely ‘grow’ in some way. It’s actually all fine and an indication of evolution.
Now this idea of the School of Simon might be a little cheeky. But, look, fuck the idea of ‘ego death.’ My ego is always hanging around. I want to tell him things that will help him chill out, and even help me, leaving me room to make clear choices based on what I want and desire. (Boom! That feels scary to say!)
So what do you tell yourself when someone leaves your sphere?
What could you say in instead?
