3. 5 NYC Workshop Notes
A couple of months ago, I presented an introduction to Tantra in NYC. Here are some of the things I spoke about, including 10 quick things that everyone could take home and use immediately.
- What is tantra? It is really hard to sum up, and all the ways it is explained are actually really entertaining to learn about. Every teacher has a different perspective, and that is kind of the point. It’s partly a spiritual practice that allows you what other spiritual practices might call ‘enlightenment’ now, in this body, in this lifetime, in this moment.
- I told a story about how I got into Tantra. It was via my Mum, who put it in front of me when I was really struggling with life. One of the many reasons it works for me is that I don’t feel judged or shamed for what I think and do. It is a non-prescriptive practice in this way; there’s a real sense of play. At the same time it is deadly serious. This is the divine comedy of it all.
- The masculine and feminine polarities… are super important to Tantra, even if they seem outdated these days with what we know and, to a large extent in our culture, collectively believe about the diversity of gender and sexual identities. Part of practicing Tantra involves stepping into the role of the divine masculine figure, Shiva, pure consciousness; or stepping into the role of Shakhti, the manifest and powerful, the divine feminine. Tantra engages with what it considers to be the essential-universal nature of these two forces.
- Infinite orgasm — man. Men can have lots of orgasms, whole body orgasms, energy orgasms, orgasms in their nipples, womanly orgasms, or they can ejaculate like we know and love. There is not ‘one simple trick’ that a man can use to ‘achieve’ the infinite orgasm. Moving into the space where this kind of phenomenon is possible involves transforming some of the things we think about sex, how we relate to our body, clearing psycho-somatic blocks we have, and letting go of preconceptions, amongst other things. But above, I think, it involves calling ourself to supreme presence in our bodies.
- Creating space — woman. Conscious sexuality practitioners say that a woman’s body responds to nothing better than the creation of a safe space in which to open. When this safe space is there — maybe it’s safe psychic or mental space, maybe it’s a safe home environment, maybe it’s safety in a relationship, or a big old combination of things — she can go to deep levels of orgasm that are impossible to reach when she feels on show, or judged, or not fully honoured, or like an after-thought in sexual experience.
I am really concerned with understanding that I am representing a gender essentialism here. We should all know that not all woman bodies work like this, and not all man bodies work like this. The platter each person brings to the party is radically different to each other platter. But I put it like this to acknowledge that there are some large scale, generalised misconceptions about the capacities, limitations, and requirements of human bodies that are complete rubbish. Once we let go of those barriers to wholeness, it becomes alarmingly obvious that we can’t really generalise about anything.
And then, the ten quick tips for sweet-as conscious love-making practice:
- Coconut oil. Use it.
2. It doesn’t matter if a man goes soft, you have a whole body to work with.
3. Kegels. Do them. Strengthening and toning the PC muscle is awesome for orgasmic power. This is where whole body ripples begin.
4. Whisper for activation, it really heightens the aural senses. Look up ASMR on Youtube.
5. Instead of just making love from your genitals, try flowing with your chest and ‘heart space,’ too.
6. Put music on. Sets a mood; gives you inspiration for flow. I like The Internet, Bilal, and ALTA, right now.
7. How much do you think about the element of scent?
8. Let yourself make noise. As weird as you like. This is your expression session.
9. Yab Yam, a position where one partner sits up straight with legs crossed, and the another straddles them, sitting up straight. They move together, heart to heart, sex centre to sex centre, eye to eye, the chakras aligned. Very intimate and very cool.
10. Don’t climax. Instead of orgasm, agree to finish, and then embrace, imagining you two flowing that energy between each other.
That’s heaps for now!