Nine Notes From My Phone

1. In a brick house, I like thunderstorms that are right on top of me. In a wooden house, I prefer them far away.

2. One time, toward the end of a long and very fun going away party held in my honor, I suddenly yelled “Goodbye!” and walked out the door. The last thing I saw as I slammed the door was a crowd of my best friends’ faces. They were laughing and their mouths were open, having started to form the word, “Wait.” I was leaving town for a long while, and I sure could have used some hugs, but to turn around would have spoiled the joke.

3. I estimate that, at age 42, I have saved 6,570 hours by not wearing makeup every day. I wonder what I have been doing with all that extra time.

4. I went to a small traveling circus when I was a child. I rode an elephant and, as I was gleefully kicking my legs, my shoe flew off and the elephant ate it. I sincerely have no idea if this is a true story or not. My mom says it sounds familiar, as she scratches her head, but she can’t confirm for sure.

5. I believe that there are still more of us than there are of them, but I am concerned that we are starting to act like them.

6. Someone who makes weak coffee loses esteem in my eyes automatically. I can’t help it.

7. This mysterious entry was written on August 29, 2016: “Waking up, she remembered her hat.”

8. My friends and I were at a bar when we started arguing about what Bert and Ernie looked like. I googled a photo on my phone and was holding up the enlarged image of the duo, joyfully nodding my head with a wild grin on my face, when a girl at the bar turned around, looked straight at my phone’s screen, then at my face, then turned around quickly.

9. One of my band mates and I formed a side project and started a list of covers. There is one song on it: “Baby Can I Hold You” by Tracy Chapman. It makes us laugh every time we think about it, because, honestly.


Check out my last story, “In Memory of Birds”, on Medium.