A Lament of the Middle-Eastern Feminist

I will never forget the night when I was in the car with my brother and father as my father joked: “Marry a Japanese girl, they will do everything you tell them to do.”

This comment did not only infuriate me because what he said was incredibly racist and I am the “morality police” (as my family likes to call me), but it also infuriated me because we live in 2016 and a wife is still seen by some as an extension rather than an invaluable counterpart.

Allow me to mention that, compared to other Middle-Eastern families that I have met, my family is pretty progressive. But microaggressions that are deeply rooted within our subconsciouses is ever-present.

These microaggressions exist in the kitchen where my brother only enters if he is rummaging the fridge for a cold beer. They exist as the “man of the house” takes his seat at the head of the table with his son by his side.

Most importantly, they exist within the tacit housewife who does not intervene in post-dinner conversations that take place over hookah and shots of cognac. She will never share her opinion and, the absolute worst part is, her daughter will be silently taught to do the same.

What we do not realize is that we rarely witness these wrongs that casually slip in and out of our lives everyday. Until recently, I did not see the glaring wrong that remained hidden under the Persian rug.

Gender equality does not exist. And, frankly, it will not exist for a very long time — not within my family at least.

Keep in mind, I did not say that it will never exist. On the contrary, I feel like in a couple of generations we will be able to almost completely reverse this antiquated state of mind.

However, work has to be done on both sides. As the next generation, we have the precious opportunity to teach the generation that follows us to become people we have never dreamt of becoming. Therefore, we must lead by example. As Gandhi put it: “Be the change you want to see in the world.”

If I ever have children, I will tell them that everybody should have legroom in a conversation, everybody should do their part to clean up, and we are all better seen and heard.

I hope that you decide to do the same.

Love,

The irritated yet slightly hopeful Middle-Eastern feminist