BBDJT SUPPORT GROUP

Speaker Trahi:
Good evening everyone. Please find a seat. I know we are becoming more and more crowded, but there should still be able to accommodate. Until we make our move to a large convention hall. This is the Betrayed By Donald Trump Support Group. We are all here to process our feelings of betrayal and learn how to heal ourselves. Please remember, whatever is said in this room stays in this room, especially as many here were forced to sign non disclosure agreements.
Politics can make for strange bedfellows and I would like to remind everyone here that you can not personally attack anyone else in this room. Believe it or not, your past enemy can become your new ally. Ivana and Marla are now co-chairs of this group and we made considerable progress last week when Hilary and Jim Comey were able to sit a few chairs closer to each other. (The speaker looks at the doorway.) It looks like Mr. Priebus is joining us. Welcome, Sir.
SPICER: Reince, come sit next to me buddy. I have been saving you a seat. Spicer pats the seat next to him.
Speaker Trahi: Sean, you seem much happier these days.
SPICER: I’m feeling better. Mike Dubke recommended that I take hundreds of showers to feel squeaky clean, and it helped. I am no longer chewing three packs of gum or ingesting two bottles of antacids every day. I even dropped a pound. My wife is pushing me to go on Dancing with the Stars so I can keep the trend going.
Speaker: Wonderful! Would anyone else like to talk about how they are coping?
Clinton: I take long walks in the woods. Just stay away from people with cellphones looking for selfies.
COMEY: Lordy, I would never have imagined being told I was fired by a television set,,,,
PRIEBUS: At least you were never asked to squash a bug as part of your duties as White House Chief of Staff:
COMEY: I have to agree with you there. Thanks to this group, I feel less alone. I did multiple home improvement projects and gardening and have now inked a lucrative book deal. My advice is to keep busy.
CHRISTIE: Or you can just hang out at the beach. I have a nice empty one where we can hold meetings.
The audience groans.
Speaker: Moving on. Mr. Jones you’re next.
CHUCK JONES: Hi. I represent Union steelworkers 1199 and the guys at the Carrier plant in Indiana, whose jobs the President pledged to protect. After the recent lay offs, I have been working to relocate my guys to Midwest Wind and Solar. My people, who have landed jobs there, are making ten to fifteen percent higher salaries and Al Gore promised to put me in his next documentary. You just have to keep pushing forward people. You’ll find a window.
Speaker: Excellent advice! Perhaps Ivana and Marla would like to share their thoughts.
Marla: As a mother, my heart ached that my daughter always played second fiddle. But today, I am proud to say I shielded her and I’ve just spent some quality time on a yacht with her last month. Unlike Ivana, I don’t have to worry that my daughter will get subpoenaed. I’m sorry, Honey.” (Marla holds Ivana’s hand.)
Ivana: I coped with the Don’s initial betrayal by becoming a successful hotelier. I hate to admit that I’m having trouble now, after all these years. I don’t like seeing my children investigated and I’ve warned the Donald to protect them, or else.
COMEY: Here Ivana. If you need to talk, my friend Bob would be happy to listen.
There is a commotion at the doorway.
CHANCELLOR MERKEL: Hello, I was hoping I could be included?
Speaker: Come in! All are welcome.
CHANCELLOR MERKEL: Look, I’ve been around a long time and have a thick skin, but many of us in the western world, who embraced and looked up to America as the leader of the global order, feel bereft. Why have we been abandoned in favor of Putin, Erdogan, Sisi and King Salman. We have championed democracy and came to the defense of America after 9/11. Why does the President favor the authoritarians over us democratic leaders? Is this an international version of Pokemon Go, only the war games version?
Everyone looks to Priebus, Spicer and Flynn huddled in the front.
SPICER: I’m sorry. I am on a dignity-rebuilding mission and promised myself I wouldn’t tell another lie this year, so I can’t answer. I have also made a lifetime pledge to never discuss crowd size again.
Mike: Hi, my name is Mike and I work in intelligence, but I feel the same way as the Chancellor. I lost a good buddy during an intelligence op, and yet our agency has been repeatedly criticized by POTUS.
Nancy McEldowney: I just left the Foreign Service Institute at State, like many of my colleagues. We only have a skeletal staff and no clear mission. After years of advancing the protection of human rights around the world, my heart is broken.
CLINTON: All right everyone, bring it in.
Clinton goes over and hugs the Chancellor, Nancy and Mike, the intelligence officer. In the spirit of magnanimity, Comey throws his arms around all of them. Hilary finches slightly, but doesn’t break the group hug.
Speaker: We are making some great breakthroughs today. I…
The speaker turns to the doorway.
SESSIONS: Hello, My name is Jeff.
Speaker: Come in Mr. Sessions Lets take a ten minute break and when we return, we will discuss how to cope with public humiliation on social media. As a treat, the cast of SNL has provided refreshments in gratitude for all their Emmy nominations this year.