Low Self-Esteem And Depression: How Healing One Heals The Other

Lisa Lieberman-Wang
Sep 8, 2018 · 6 min read

Depression takes the color out of life and leaves a trail of grays in its wake. It can distort thinking, leading to decreased self-confidence, insecurity and self-loathing. Thoughts that would otherwise be considered ‘neutral’ can become negatively magnified and leave a low-hanging, ominous cloud hanging over the depressed person’s entire life.

The way in which low self-esteem and depression interrelate can seem like the proverbial “chicken and egg.” It is not, however a matter of “cause and effect,” but of relationship. And in this regard, low self-esteem is used as a possible symptom in the diagnosis of depression.

Research has shown a strong relationship between low self-esteem and depression, but not vice versa. In other words, low self-esteem is predictive of depression, but depression, while capable of impacting self-esteem, is not predictive of it.

Julia Friederike Sowislo and Ulrich Orth of the Department of Psychology at the University of Basel in Switzerland conducted a meta-analysis of studies on depression and self-esteem. Their “vulnerability model” predicted that a lower self-esteem increases the chance of seeing events in one’s life as reinforcing a negative sense of self.

In non-clinical terms, the person suffering from low self-esteem takes life events personally and negatively, and this dark perspective of life and self is a set-up for depression. Instead of trying to disprove a negative self-concept, the person actually seeks negative feedback to corroborate it. In this way, low self-esteem is a risk factor for depression.

What is the takeaway from this? How are low self-esteem and depression related, and how can healing one heal the other?

Remember that self-esteem is the measure of how you feel about yourself. It’s not a statement of confidence in what you can do, but a belief system of your very worth. Do you like yourself? Love yourself? Believe you have value and purpose in life?

The importance of cultivating and nurturing a healthy self-esteem from the very beginning of life cannot be overstated. And because of the demonstrated influence of self-esteem on the risk of depression, boosting self-esteem is the best way to protect mood and manage or overcome depression.

Here are some tips for increasing self-esteem:

  • Deal with dysfunctional thinking. Negative thinking spirals into decreased self-esteem, and depression corrodes judgment and thinking styles. Recognize when you are “playing negative tapes in your head,” and replace them with factual, meaningful self-affirmations. Know that your unconscious mind doesn’t know the difference from fact or fiction, its job is to process it faster and easier. It believes what you tell it to be true so you need to change the story to change the outcome.
  • Journal your thoughts and feelings to bring your negative thoughts down to size and help maintain perspective. Keep a track of your emotions. There are over 40,000 words that describe your emotions and most people use only a dozen, of which 80% are negative.
  • Use visual cues like positive notes and inspirations to help record new “tapes” in your mind. Put pictures up on your mirror, computer, change your screen savers on your phone and computer.
  • Surround yourself with people who recognize and celebrate your strengths. Find reasons to celebrate even the smallest things until it becomes a habit and something you do over and over again.
  • Discover and pursue your passions. What did you used to love but stopped? What have you always wanted to do but have never done? What can you do now that would bring you more happiness?
  • Embrace failure as part of success. It is part of your life education but doesn’t define you. Success is paved by a road of failures first so embrace then as a learning experience for the greatness to come.

Low self-esteem and depression may be difficult to distinguish when your whole world is seen through gray lenses. But it only makes sense that the colors with which you paint your sense of self will ultimately be the colors with which you paint your view of the world.

If you are struggling with self-esteem and/or depression, you do not have to navigate that darkness alone. There are compassionate care and guidance available to help you.

You can reach us here, we are here to help you.


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Self-esteem is a reflection of how we perceive and value ourselves. To those coping with low self-esteem, those with the healthy, plumped-up version can seem to rule the world. They are confident, make quick and lasting decisions, and shake off negativity like water off a duck.

Whether it’s thriving or drowning, self-esteem affects every area of life…and it fuels or detracts from life’s enjoyment and happiness.

Many people suffer from low self-esteem. As a matter of fact, a recent study revealed that only 4% of women worldwide consider themselves beautiful. And I would venture a guess that most of the remaining 96% consider themselves to be in beautiful company — they just don’t see themselves in the same light.

If coping with low self-esteem seems to be a lesson in futility, please know that there are steps you can take to climb out of your doldrum self-perception. Easier said than done, I know — especially if your self-esteem is doing a slow waltz with depression.

Let’s take a look at some realistic and approachable tips for coping with low self-esteem. You will probably notice that most, if not all, really come down to “getting to know yourself”…and by knowing yourself, coming to love yourself.

  1. Think about what is affecting your self-esteem. Are you coming out of a difficult experience or relationship? Have you had a series of negative life events? Identifying the villain is essential to standing up to him now and keeping him at bay in the future.
  2. Identify thoughts, feelings, physical symptoms and behaviors of your low self-esteem. There is a huge difference between personality characteristics and symptoms of poor — and correctable — self-perception. Coping with low self-esteem means coping with all the ways it shows up…and that requires recognizing them for what they are.
  3. Listen to your inner monologue. Are you telling yourself that you are weak, ugly, fat, unlikeable, not skilled enough? Do you have the call to perfectionism on auto-replay?
  4. Identify your negative thoughts. Similar to your inner monologue, the thoughts in your head can trap you in a cycle of low self-esteem. Pay attention to what you “think” — about worthiness, about happiness, about “you vs. others.”
  5. Ask yourself if your thoughts reflect the facts. This is a “get real” and “get real honest” step. Sometimes it is actually easier to hold on to the deception and the self-deprecation than to acknowledge that your thoughts can’t pass the fact-check.
  6. Take care of yourself. Do you suffer from poor sleep, fatigue, tension, anxiety in social situations? How would you care for a child or someone you love? If thinking of yourself in the third-person helps you recognize that you deserve to be treated lovingly, then give yourself that detachment. Self-care is essential to coping with low self-esteem and can work wonders in elevating your value of yourself.
  7. Learn to be assertive. People who suffer from low self-esteem are notorious people pleasers because they assume others won’t like them. Learning to say “no,” setting boundaries and taking control of decisions can be a big boost to your confidence, and ultimately your self-esteem.
  8. Focus on your positives. Celebrate your successes, without criticizing or seeking fault. Do more of what you love and be proud of every small win. Perfection doesn’t have a place in positivity. Put on some rose-colored glasses and look in the mirror. Seek and celebrate every positive.
  9. Connect with people who love you. If you are coping with low self-esteem, the last thing you need is to be hanging with the Debbie Downers of your world. Bask in the feel-good of those who love you and genuinely care about your well-being. And consider asking them for a thoughtful assessment of what they like about you.
  10. Get support. This can be the toughest step for people who don’t feel worthy of happiness to begin with. But if you are working through the other tips listed here, support will not only make sense, it will be a breath of fresh air. Ideally, take the risk of reaching out to peer support groups or other talk-centric sources of help. Not ready to engage? Try a mindfulness practice.

Self-esteem, like happiness, is an inside job. If you are suffering from low self-esteem, happiness may seem elusive to you. The beauty of working toward a healthy self-esteem is that it is a process of truth. And the truth is always that you not only deserve to be happy, but are called to be happy.

And we are here to help you get there. Please reach out and allow us to help you elevate your low self-esteem. I’m here to help.


Originally published at finetofab.com on September 8, 2018.

Lisa Lieberman-Wang

Written by

Relationship & Emotional Breakthrough Expert. Co-Creator of Neuro Associative Programming (NAP) & Licensed Master NLP Practitioner & Trainer. CEO, FINE to FAB.

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