Personally speaking I resonate with much of what you have written. Then I did seven years of personal self reflection. I did what I did as a youngster.
As a child I was a rebel. I did not understand what cause I had. Then I became a woman, trying to please the world. Neither were very becoming for me.
I searched like all of the great gurus for truth. Here is mine…
Opportunity beckons me during every moment of my life, I have complete freedom to act upon it any way I wish, and that is the grand design.