Boys and their Obsession — I don’t get it
Why is it that people, or more specifically boys and men are obsessed with their, penis’s, dicks, wang, weiner, bobby dangler,pecker,schlong,unit, pork sword, Johnson,doodle,blue vein yoghurt thrower. I mean I could go on and on.
Im pretty sure that the most popular graffiti art is the classic ‘dick and balls’, and I’m pretty sure 95% of the artists are male and the other 5% are school principals. Is it ingrained in dna with the Y chromosone? I mean, shit, is it because they are the most weird alien looking thing on the human body?Is that why men feel the need to pump up the penis? pardon the pun.
I have a young son lets call him ‘Mack’, he either had his hand on his willy or down his pants since before he could walk. And as a mother I am sure as shit didn’t sign on to move his stiffy with the plastic chop stick in the middle of the night so he actually pisses in the toilet bowl. Even now, he is in grade 2 and he can’t hit the bowl. He must get that from my husband cause he aint no dead eye dick in the wee targeting the toilet bowl department.
Now it sounds like i’m whinging but Im just trying to make a point. Men and boys are obsessed with their penis’s, actually anyones penis.
My son has been in ‘serious’ trouble at school 3 times. I mean the kind of trouble where the teacher or Vice Principal calls you. ( cause the actual principal doesnt call unless your child brings a sling shot (yes America we take our weapon control seriously, I mean shit a sling shot could result in some kind of school emergency shut down scenario) or if he tried to chat up a teacher. Lucky me my son is : neither a lover of violence or a smooth talking type of lad.
Anyhow, I digress. The 3 times my son has been in trouble at school, were all related to his tally whacker/pee pee. Actually, there was also the time he glued his hands together, you know just because and got lunch time yard duty. I also got a call from the class teacher for that but I wasn’t sure to laugh or ask her if my son was “SPECIAL”.
Anyhoo, let me outline why I think boys are bonkers over their plonkers. Mack’s first run in with the dick obsession was when he got up at show and tell and told the entire class that he thinks his dad has two doodles. After I got off the phone with his teacher and asked him why on earth he would say that let alone say it at show and tell? his response “when dad is in the nude before his shower it looks like he has two doodles” I had to explain to him that the “other doodle” was his dad’s saggy nut sack. ( not in those words — I definately used 6 year old appropriate language).
Second time ‘Mack’ got into trouble at school. The Vice Principal called to tell me that ‘Mack’ was in the boys toilet with a bunch of other boys and hoped up onto a chair and “pretended” to wee on the other boys and said that he was god weeing on his disciples.
Firstly, that’s fucked up! , wouldn’t God wee red wine. Secondly we are not religious so he must have learnt that shit from someone else. Good News though ‘Mack’ took his punishment in his stride,he had to sit at the back of class and complete one of those find a word things. Suck it Mrs F he loves that shit. So in hindsight the punishment encouraged his dick obsession.
All I am saying is that you don’t hear women talking about their fannies( that means Vagina Americans and other earthlings). Or spray painting pictures of massive minges on the sides of buildings.
I blame you The Lonely Island, Akiva, Jorma and Andy, I blame you. Gosh Darn it. For your catchy and seriously funny songs. When U tube is on and it keeps running and you forget your kids are more tech savvy than you, well this is what happens. My son comes out with a cheezles box infront of his weener singing “Look mum, dick in a box”, yeah and to make it worse his 5 year old sister gets the words mixed up and sings “dick in my box”. It irriates the shit out of her dad.
Anyways in conclusion BOYS and Men are loco for the poco, a fool for their tool, daft for their shaft. (PS which cock knocker decided to call a TV series Shaft?, I mean seriously it was a man, wasn’t it)
Next stop for ‘Mack’ Jizz in my pants….
Thanks for teaching my son another interesting thing to do with his willy.
Fingers crossed he doesn’t give it to me for Mother’s Day.
To see ‘Mack’s’ inspiration you can visit: www.thelonelyisland.com/videos/dick-in-a-box/