Dr. Lisa Vallejos
Dec 16, 2018 · 3 min read
GETTY IMAGESDAVID CROTTY

I interrupt my social media hiatus to say Offset, what are you doing?

Nah, just kidding. I know exactly what you’re doing and I’m gonna get into why it’s all wrong in a minute.

But first, backstory. Offset is Cardi B’s husband and the father of their daughter Kulture (who is OMG so adorable, by the way). Recently, there’s been a scandal because Offset cheated on Cardi and so he’s gone on a full on “win Cardi back” campaign which includes posting instagram videos begging for her forgiveness and interrupting her performance at the Rolling Loud Festival.

His “apology” tour has gotten attention of many who are encouraging her to take him back and has many people on social media saying how “romantic” he’s being for trying so hard to win her back.

Except, no. This is not romantic. This shit is toxic and abusive.

You see, the public nature of his apology tour is slimy and manipulative because by doing so, he’s putting public pressure on Cardi B. to forgive him and come back. Now, if she refuses, she will be tried in the court of public opinion and will be found to be the coldhearted, unloving villain. His infidelity is suddenly forgotten, or seemingly less harmful, because of his sudden outpouring of “love”.

Suddenly, many people have gotten amnesia and are pulling for Offset.

People are forgetting that he betrayed her by sleeping around. He violated their sacred bond. He was unfaithful and violated her, their marriage and the boundaries set within their connection by cheating and now, he is continuing to do so.

Showing up in places you’re not wanted and begging for forgiveness isn’t romantic nor is it a show of love. Writing a whole album to “get her back” isn’t romantic, nor is it a show of love (I’m looking at you Robin Thicke). It is, however, a continued violation of boundaries and a selfish, manipulative act to force your will on another person.

Offset isn’t being loving or romantic. He’s harassing Cardi B. (in her workplace, nonetheless) and attempting to force her to bend to his will with these grand gestures of ̶l̶o̶v̶e̶ ̶manipulation.

These behaviors are toxic and harmful. We need to stop making manipulation seem romantic. Whether it is a Joe Public who suddenly begins professing his love for the partner he cheated on in public forums or a celebrity who does it, recognize it for what it is. It’s an attempt to make someone do what another wants them to do and by publicly displaying their “love”, they are making it harder for the person to see clearly.

If Offset loved Cardi, he would respect her boundaries and her autonomy. He would not force himself into her space and show up uninvited. He would have respected their union and not cheated to begin with. Coming around with grand gestures of ̶l̶o̶v̶e̶ ̶ to someone you’ve disrespected isn’t love and sure isn’t romantic; it’s harmful.

Offset isn’t thinking about Cardi…he’s thinking about himself and that, my friends, is not love.

Dr. Lisa Vallejos

Written by

Ph.D. in Psychology. Love and Liberation. www.lisavallejos.com

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