When I was feeling low, like really low, like hitting my bottom low, I read this book that changed my life. Well, actually I read three books during that period. They helped save me in their small, yet profound ways. I have started to think that all things, especially books, have consciousness and appear exactly when you need them.
On Christmas morning, I opened up a present from my Mom and a present from my Dad. I peeled back the red wrapping paper to reveal Successful Women Think Differently by Valorie Burton and Pivot: The Only Move that Matters is Your Next One by Jenny Blake. Yeah — they’d obviously been listening to me these past months crying about my job, my boyfriend, and my fears. …
Forgiveness is good for your health. When you remember the times you’ve been hurt or hurt others, you will feel the negative emotions from your past like it is happening to you again because it is. The same chemicals that were released when it happened to you are being released all over again.
Feelings are just chemicals that your body releases in response to stimuli. That’s what people mean when they say, “You’re triggering me.” They mean that you have done something that their brain recognizes as a cue or ‘trigger’ to release certain chemicals. Usually these are in relation to negative emotions, although it is exactly the same process for positive emotions. These chemicals also cue a reaction. …
Whenever something makes me feel anxious, I like to fly away. I start to feel all this nervous energy in my body, and I just need to get out of there fast! The emotion anxiety triggers a physiological response that releases stress hormones that tell my body it is in danger and prepares it for an attack. In our modern world, this survival function is not as helpful as it used to be.
My anxiety triggers are wayyyy tooo common, and also can’t kill me:
I was talking to my sister on the phone, and she told me that she read my blog post to one of her friends, and he said I was “egotistical.” I told her that everyone is egotistical and that Instagram is egotistical, rant rant rant. We said our goodbyes, but I couldn’t shake this insecurity, this feeling that I was guilty of having an ego. …
I’m in my Hermit phase, and gosh, it is painful and magical at the same time! Yes, that was a Taylor Swift and Tarot Card reference in the same line. Thank yewww.
After a series of traumatic and painful events in my life, I decided to come home and hit the reset button. It was time. Now it’s been three months. My period of reflection and hermitude is coming to an end, and I am starting to rejoin the world.
One of the main reasons my life became so painful was because I was not living by my values. At that time, I didn’t realize I had values or that I wasn’t living by them, all I knew was that I was unhappy. Like really really really unhappy. Like cry alone on your birthday unhappy. My Unhappy Birthday Cry was a profound moment for me, it was the moment I hit my rock bottom and decided to start changing my behavior. …
This little piggy got promoted
This little piggy is doing their PhD
This little piggy is going to law school
This little piggy is traveling around Asia
And this little piggy had a mental breakdown
and went cry, cry, cry!
all the way home
This little piggy is now in therapy
This little piggy feels disappointed
This little piggy wants to hide
This little piggy needs support
And this little world keeps moving,
and goes mine, mine, mine!
all the way — DRONE!
Originally published at https://www.literarypixie.com on October 4, 2019.
My peers at school always called me the ‘Quiet Girl’ but I actually just suffered from anxiety. I was quiet, not because I had nothing to say, but because I was afraid to speak.
I’ve always been a bit anxious. It could be because I switched schools four times and moved home five times all before the age of six. It could be because I was bullied as a baby. I know! There was a baby in my nursery that used to bite me. Yes babies can be bullies, too. Or it might be genetic — I’m half Jewish. We got anxiety problems going all the way up the line. Thank you racism, ethnic cleansing, and the boat journey to Ellis Island! …
“It’s been 9 months since I dated, I’m afraid.” I’m at lunch with my Dad after moving home to rest. I’d had a number of traumatic experiences, and just needed a break. I needed to go home.
“You fell off your bicycle, but you need to get back on. That’s the only way to get stronger.” He is nervous, but trying to give his best advice. I’ve never been one to talk about these kinds of things with my Dad, but it’s become necessary.
“Dad, I didn’t just fall off my bike. I was shoved and then ran over by the bikes that were behind me, and I’ve just been able to drag myself home.” …
I’ve realized that I need to properly explain what happened to me and what I am experiencing in order for me to get the help that I need.
To use big words that really don’t mean anything, I’ve just emerged from a depression that started in September 2017 when I was raped. It peaked from the end of October until mid January 2019 when I had a three month mental breakdown. My depression caused me to make myself unemployed, homeless, and almost friendless. …
“Actually I think armpit hair is sexy,” I look up to see my friend’s face staring at me like I’ve said something crazy, “Just kidding!” I feel this odd pinch in my chest, but ignore it and enjoy their laughter instead.
Fuck, I’ve done it again. This is one of my ‘Sammy’ mannerisms. I do it all the time, and people laugh when I do it so I keep doing it. I say it when I can tell that the other person doesn’t agree with me. But, I’ve decided to stop doing it.
I’ve realized by saying “Just kidding!”, I am rejecting my own belief to make the other person happy. I’m am practicing self-invalidation. This denial of my own thoughts, feelings and internal experience is the root cause of my depressions. …