Here’s What Happened On Last Night’s Episode of “Real Housewives of New York”

Luann is rehearsing her cabaret act at her apartment with musical director, Billy Stritch. They’re rehearsing a jazzy up-tempo piano version of “Money Can’t Buy You Class”, and Luann is discussing in her testimonial how she never thought she would get arrested while she was rehearsing her cabaret act.

Reading off of a lyric sheet, Luann is wearing bifocals and asking Billy Stritch how they’re going to transition into the “how many men there are that forget to hold the door” spoken word verse of the song.

Luann says that she never expected to have “just four weeks” to rehearse her act with her team before the show went up, but that getting arrested and going to rehab faltered her rehearsal plans.

Director, Ben Rimalower, sits by her side and is giving her notes: like where in the song he expects Sonja to come in and do her portion of the act.

“Maybe if Sonja is so excited during the first verse, and then comes in during the chorus”, Rimalower suggests.

Luann is saying in her testimonial that she’s the one who volunteered Sonja to be a part of her performance. As she talks with her team, Luann mentions that SNL vet Rachel Dratch is going to be a part of her cabaret event and that she’s so excited about it.

Sonja shows up a little late to the rehearsal but mentions in her testimonial that she’s so grateful to be included in Luann’s performance. When she arrives, and after Luann mentions to her that Billy Stritch is “an Aquarius” (akin to RuPaul’s Drag Race season 10 winner and friend of and attendee of Sonja Morgan’s “weekly gay party”, Aquaria), Ben Rimalower tells her about the plan for the performance: Luann is going to be telling some stories about “her crazy times in New York City with her girlfriends”. He wants Sonja to yell out at one point “no, Lu, that’s not how that happened”. Then he wants Sonja to get up on stage with her and give “the whole Sonja package”.

Luann and Sonja then begin rehearsing a rap verse of an unknown song of Luann’s in which Sonja recites a “to the left; to the left” portion of the number in a resuscitative.

Tinsley is visiting Carole at her apartment when Carole alerts her to the fact that Adam has sent her five dozen tulips recently. She tells her of a suspicious encounter of hers with Adam when he showed up at her door to “visit her dogs”.

Tinsley then breaks into song about how she and Scott are “getting back together” and are moving into the larger “three bedroom” penthouse together at the hotel she’s been staying at.

Suddenly there’s a knock at the door, and Carole is presented with a plastic box of live roses- it’s an invitation, she says, from a woman she just recently met who hosts a monthly speed dating event.

“I should invite all the girls”, Carole tells Tinsley, and she agrees: “I mean yea!”, Tinsley chatters excitedly.

Sonja is visiting Bethenny at her downtown apartment, when Bethenny offers Sonja a pair of “candy red” Skinny Girl jeans.

This is the color”, Sonja recites to her, enamored with the pants she’s been presented with.

“Says who”, Bethenny asks.

“Well, I’m a fashion forecaster”, Sonja retorts: “this is what I do”.

“Don’t you have any gay friends?”, she asks Bethenny, fascinated by the idea that she has not been warned that candy apple jeans are the new In-Vogue. In her testimonial, Sonja mentions that she’s “not thrilled” that Bethenny and Carole are on the outs; but that she’s excited to be able to get the “Skinny Girl hookup”, since Carole and Bethenny’s falling out means that Sonja has been able to inch further into Bethenny’s innermost circle.

Bethenny is browsing her phone and telling Sonja how she’s signed her up for a dating app. She tells her that her app already has guys messaging Sonja’s profile and “matching with” her. Bethenny says that this dating website connects to the widespread internet database of Sonja Morgan info, and that the profile therefore lists Sonja’s “profession” as “toaster oven chef, and special appearance personality, lifestyle expert, model/actress, event producer, publicist, entertainer, international fashion lifestyle brand, producer.”

“This app takes your information from other apps and somehow it puts together all the bullshit that Sonja’s put on some other page and crystallizes it and it all landed here” Bethenny is saying in her testimonial: “master pupeteer, baker, zookeeper; I deliver Chinese food, I won a spelling bee in second grade.”

Dorinda has set up a meeting for Luann with designer Jovani, who she’s reached out to to design Luann’s looks for her cabaret act. Luann is looking for a “modern day” cabaret look, and she begins trying on a smattering of sequined gowns each fit to “look like they were made for her”.

“So what’s going on with the court case”, Dorinda sits her down and asks her at one point.

“Yesterday I got a call from the lawyer”, Luann begins recanting to her: “and the court case is cancelled for today because now they have to review the evidence, and he was hoping in the best case scenario that they wouldn’t charge me for a criminal thing because I didn’t have criminal intent.

A clip plays of Luann in the back of a cruiser screaming “don’t touch me I’m gonna kill you” at a cop, and worming her way out of her handcuffs.

“I was under the influence”, Luann says to Dorinda, “as you know, I’m not an aggressive person.” She thinks that the judge is going to be lenient because she went to rehab and hopefully, she might just get community service.

Tinsley is in her hotel room, having her friend Michael over to pack all of her stuff to move upstairs to the penthouse and in with Scott. Tinsley is moving some sweaters out of her oven that she’s had stored in there because she “didn’t have enough space” and haphazardly throwing high heels into a box for the move. Trucking Tinsley’s belongings up to the upper level penthouse of the hotel, the caption at the bottom of the screen offers that the penthouse is a 3 bedroom suite which costs $30,000 a month.

Luann and Dorinda are going for a walk together when Luann mentions that “her AA meeting” is right across from where they’re walking.

“My church is right there”, Dorinda replies, and as Dorinda ambles down the way in her ankle boot, they discuss the bottle of Stag’s Leap that Dorinda has recently received in a gift basket. The ladies meander into Dorinda’s church where they light a candle together to celebrate Luann’s 30 days of sobriety. Dorinda mentions that she would come here and light a candle for Luann while she was away. They light a candle together as Dorinda mentions to her the speed dating party that Carole’s friend has just invited all of them to.

Later that week, the women are all convening at Carole’s friend Rori Sassoon’s speed dating event. When Carole arrives, Sassoon, founder of elite matchmaking service, Platinum Poire, mentions to her that she’s been trying to match her up with “this guy in the red scarf” who is socializing across the room.

Ramona arrives, wound up and ready to mingle, and immediately introduces herself to the guy in the red scarf.. She shakes hands, batting her eyes and tossing her hair back and forth and meets a guy named “Amal”.

“Oh. Aim-ool”, she winks at him: “what nationality are you”.

“American”, he answers, offput.

“Oh okay,” Ramona smiles.

When Luann arrives she is saying in her testimonial that she’d rather be anywhere else than here, introducing herself to the gathered gentlemen about the room and trying to locate a booth to check her fur vest.

Ramona has set her sights on the Red Scarf and she’s telling him excitedly about how she owns a home in South Hampton and loves to travel and vacation.

In the corner, a suited gentleman flirts with Sonja over a glass of wine.

“You’re very sweet”, he coos to her.

“Aww”, she yawns before leaning into him.

Do I smell like mothballs?”, she demands loudly at him, still bearing a wistful grin on face.

“Nooooo”, he replies, not even slightly off put by the exchange.

Are you sure”, Sonja continues, “cause this is an old Valentino suit.

“No”, he insists, “you don’t smell like mothballs.”

When Bethenny arrives Sonja alerts her to the fact that she’s just asked this guy if she smells like mothballs and that he said no.

In her testimonial, Bethenny notes that she’s been trying to date recently, but that nothing’s really stuck, so she’s come to this speed dating event just to browse and who knows what will happen.

Ramona is still circling Red Scarf and telling him about how she loves to cook, loves to entertain, and loves to travel: “Florida, the islands, LA, Aspen”, she recites to him the locations she likes to visit.

“The usual”, Red Scarf nods at her.

“The usual”, agrees Ramona before Bethenny encroaches the circle and exchanges a hug with Red Scarf.

“I knew you’d be here”, Red Scarf whispers in Bethenny’s ear.

In her testimonial, Bethenny mentions that she’s met Red Scarf, who’s name is Brian apparently, before, because they met briefly in Miami when he told her that they had friends in common. She says that they went to lunch together a few months later.

When Tinsley arrives she mentions that she’s just there to observe.

“There’s no way I would do this” she shares in her testimonial: “even if I weren’t spoken for: I’m a southern girl: I need to be wined and dined.” A clip roles of her out with Carole and Adam the first time she met Scott when they had introduced her to him and she had immediately grabbed his face and stuck her tongue down his throat at the table they were sitting at two minutes into their conversation with one another: “This speed dating thing is not for me”.

As Rori announces the commencement of the speed dating portion of the evening, Ramona sits in the back whispering with Red Scarf over a glass of Pinot Grigio.

In the corner, Sonja reapplies a lip gloss.

Rori announces that each woman will have their own spot and every three minutes, the men will rotate around the room onto the next woman, before she begins placing the women about the room.

When Sonja takes her place, her first dater grabs her cheek in his hand and mentions that he “has warm hands”.

“Oh I know”, Sonja retorts: “you got a good touch there- I like your skin.

“You like my skin”, he asks, inspecting his own hand.

“Yea”, Sonja says, “I grew up with that kind of ruddy red skin.”

Meanwhile Red Scarf is cozying up to Ramona who has seated herself on a couch away from where she was supposed to be seated for the event.

“I don’t even know what a speed dating is”, Ramona shares with him, smiling: “I mean I do have a lot of energy, but I don’t know about speed dating, that’s not my thing.

“It’s a little embarrassing”, Red Scarf smiles at her.

Meanwhile, Luann is engaging with a grey haired man who asks her what she does.

“I’m actually working on a cabaret show”, Luann informs him: “so I was rehearsing”

“I don’t even know what that is”, the guy bumbles.

Red Scarf is busy telling Ramona all about how long his parents have been married: his dad is going to be 80 on March 1st he tells her.

“I love it”, Ramona leans in closer to him before she foofs her hair.

“I love it, I love it”, she giggles, sipping her wine : “ I wanna meet your mother honestly.

Rori comes up to them and tells them that it’s time to move on the next date, which upsets Ramona.

“I have to remember him”, Ramona says in her testimonial, mentioning something about how she doesn’t know what it is about him: maybe it’s the red scarf.

Sonja is in the corner conversing with a bald gentleman and telling him about how warm her hands are.

On the other side of the room Red Scarf is encroaching on Bethenny.

“I was looking forward to seeing you”, he tells her, before asking if he can come sit beside her on the couch.

“Honestly the only reason I did this”, he whispers to Bethenny: “I was thinking that you would be here.

Meanwhile Ramona sits on a couch across the room overlooking the exchange and looking annoyed.

“I did this for no other reason than to spend time with you”, Red Scarf tells Bethenny.

In her testimonial, Bethenny says that Red Scarf just isn’t her type, before telling him not to tell Ramona that he said that because she’ll have a heart attack.

Across the room, a man approaches Ramona on her couch and ask her what she’s doing.

“Ugh”, she sighs. “I’m just kind of…chilling right now!”

The dates switch up and suddenly Luann is seated with a gentleman who starts telling her about his vacation to Vail for the holidays.

“And what did you do”, he asks Luann of what she spent her holiday doing.

“Oh”, Luann chuckles, throatily: “it’s a long story.”

“I was supposed to go to South America, it didn’t pan out.”

The gray haired guy who just moments ago was telling Luann that he didn’t even know what a cabaret was, has now set his sights on Ramona. He’s 44 he says, before asking Ramona how old she is.

“I’m 61”, she shares.

“What did you think I was”, she flirts.

“More like me”, he says, and Ramona giggles excitedly before grasping his face in her hands and planting a kiss on his lips.

When the speed dating portion of the evening ends, Red Scarf finds his way to Bethenny again and the two sip a drink together.

Ramona is across the room speaking nervously to the bartender, glancing over her shoulder agitatedly at Bethenny and Red Scarf as they share a hug and she tells him that he’s sweet.

“Hi”, Ramona samples to the bartender, dejected.

“Can I get a tequila”, she asks: “whatever the gentleman in the red scarf got, cause he got me a glass of wine so I wanna get him a tequila.”

“Who?”, the bartendress asks.

The guy in the red scarf”, Ramona repeats, getting upset.

“Brian”, the guy sitting at the bar next to her offers.

“Brian!”, Ramona reiterates to the bartender.

“I wanna bring him a tequila- he ordered a tequila”, Ramona is getting annoyed and rubbing her temples: “Is that so difficult?

“Bethenny thinks that he likes her”, the drunk man at the bar next to her gossips.

“Pardon?”, Ramona asks.

Bethenny thinks that he likes her”, the guy repeats, louder this time.

“I don’t really care who he likes”, Ramona shrugs. “He brought me a drink, I’m gonna bring him a drink.

Ramona then moves with the tequila across the room and into Bethenny and Red Scarf’s conversation to present him with the beverage.

“Hi!”, she exclaims.

“Since you were kind enough to bring me a drink I thought I’d bring you a drink”, Ramona coos, cheers-ing him, before guffawing away across the room awkwardly.

Watch part of the interaction below:

As the women gather their things to depart for the evening, Sonja speaks to a balding gentleman sporting a giant stain down the middle of his button down shirt.

“You’re confident”, Sonja tells him: “you know you have a stain on your shirt.”

“I don’t give a shit”, the guy mumbles, drunk.

“Me neither!”, Sonja retorts.

Meanwhile Ramona, Tinsley and Dorinda are croaking about the upcoming vacation they want to take together. Tinsley offers that she knows a guy who has a house in Colombia.

Sonja is busy in the corner telling the man with the stain on his shirt that she needs a guy who knows how to spank, when he suddenly grabs her head in his hand and pushes his mouth to her ear.

“I’ve got the cat of nine tails”, he breathes into her ear.

“And you’d be tied up. Fucking helpless”, he continues, his hair plugs glistening in the fluorescent light of the room.

Sonja gasps, and expels an intrigued chuckle, her face going red.

“And when you’re done”, he continues, “you’d have hand marks on your fucking ass.

Sonja is interested.

“Oh my god”, she breathes, panting: “I love hand marks the next day.”

Looks like another sink sex accident is about to happen at the Morgan townhouse.