my name is pan ellington.
my name is pan ellington and i am not a lesbian. i am queer.
nor am i a girl. or a boy. i am androgyne. i am trans.
i grew up in a boring, suburban town outside of los angeles with a regular mom and dad for a time, neither of whom i would describe as progressive, or even liberal (you could say the same about downey, cal, now that i’m thinking about it). for some reason, though, i’m still not sure why, my parents always bought both girls’ and boys’ toys for me at christmastime and for my birthday and i loved my dollhouse just as much as i did my firetruck pedal car, complete with matching gas pump. i was just as comfortable pretending to shave with my father’s razor, blade removed, as i was experimenting with my mother’s make-up or wearing her perfume on special occasions and on sunday for church and i don’t ever remember there ever being any judgment about it, friends and family, alike. living “in the middle” has always been my natural state of existence and i am grateful to my parents for allowing me to do so at such a young age.
it was only when i ventured out into the world that i felt uncomfortable, because it was out in the world that i felt the pressure to choose, it where i…
