The “Dalagang Filipina” is a dying breed and why it’s okay

If you grew up in the Philippines, chances are you grew up with your grandmother or aunties (locally called as Titas) telling you that your skirt is too short, your reds are too red, your blouse is too see-through, or you went home too late (or early since you did come in at 2AM). There would also be times that they have called you out for laughing too loud or have asked you “Who was that guy on that photo in Facebook? Why was his arm around you? Is he your boyfriend? Malagkit ang tingin niya sayo (He looks at you differently).” or something to that extent.

Recently, I did something any decent Dalagang Pilipina would never do (perhaps since the Dalaga had no iPhone before): I downloaded Tinder and swiped right several times. To my surprise, I got many swipe rights back and my phone pinged almost 7 times a day telling me that I have a new message from some stranger that swiped right on me.

At this point, the Dalaga’s grandmother would faint if she knew Tinder’s reputation/purpose and the auntie would be hastily fanning herself with her pamaypay (fan) as her eyes flaring up with disappointment and anger.

However, this Filipina did not stop at merely chatting them. I went out with one of them. Imagine the number of slippers that could be flying round the Dalaga’s house should the household know about this.

I told a friend of mine that I went on a Tinder date in Canada. She was telling me to delete the app and as any good friend, warned me about the perils of Tinder that I already knew about. Even more interestingly, she mentioned that she never thought that I would download Tinder and let alone go on a Tinder date.

“Why?” I asked.

“Because Dalagang Pilipina,” she replies.

She was right, the Dalaga would never do this.

She would stay away from those websites, inherit a pamaypay of her own hand coyly hide her smile from her admirers as she bats her eyes at them and speak in whispers. She will sit on their ancestral house’s balcony and await for Pedro/Juan/Pepito/whoever to serenade her. Poor Pedro/Pepito/Juan will have to pass through an audition just to be able to bring out our Dalagang Filipina, think something like American Idol, The Voice, Britain’s Got Talent and so on. Judges will be grandma, auntie, auntie’s husband, Dalagang Pilipina’s brother & parents, grandma’s friend, and sometimes their neighbor. That is the lady our grandparents, parents, aunties, uncles, neighbors expect us to be. Anything that doesn’t fit in that cookie-cutter mold, may it be less or more, was something… weird for them. Why? Because it was something different. If it was something good or bad was a different story.

The Dalagang Filipina is an idea.

She is demure, she is quiet, mahinhin (lady-like), reserved, poised. She doesn’t go on Tinder dates.

For the longest time, teenage girls (in the Philippines) were expected to fit into this description or at the very least, be demure, composed, lady-like, etc. Are there Filipinas who are still like this? Yes. Are there Filipinas who are no longer too demure or laugh as loud as they can without a pamaypay covering their smiles? Yes. Are there Filipinas who go on Tinder dates? Definitely, yes.

Here’s the thing, more and more Filipinas are letting go of that idea and are making Filipina mean more, they are making it mean beyond a coy/shy/waiting-for-Juan-or-Pedro/damsel-in-distress and I don’t think there’s anything wrong with that. Some Filipinas want to meet new people and that doesn’t mean we’re easy (or patapon), it simply means we want to meet new people, make new friends, make a lot of human connections/friendships. It doesn’t necessarily mean that we are looking for a relationship or want someone to sleep with. Though sometimes, and I won’t lie, it does.

I guess I am simply no Dalagang Pilipina anymore. And I don’t think all Filipinas are anymore. Is that a bad thing? I don’t think so. It simply means we know what we want and we go for it.

So what now?

I would like to rethink the statement I have mentioned earlier, that the Dalagang Filipina would never do somethingsuch as install Tinder on her phone. The Dalagang Filipina would download it, swipe a few times, message him some risky notes and she wouldn’t get caught.